massive update

So B and I broke up Monday.  Monday just kept getting worse.  My mother called me at work to tell me my grandfather has an aneurism in his stomach and has to go in for surgery and then will be moving in with use afterwards, if he survives but 3 of 5 people end up dying on the table.  Thank you mom…

So I’m sitting there the rest of the night freaking out and I text Brennon "What do you do when the light at the end of the tunnel turns into a train?"  He asked what was wrong and I told him it was a long story.  Well to make a long story short I ended up going down to see him that night.  I had to get away from my family and just try and forget how crappy my last week or so has been going.

I get down there and it’s like nothing has changed.  He’s holding my hand and cuddling with me and kissing me.  We cuddle in bed and spend most of Tuesday together.  Turns out he’s confused by the distance, he’s not sure if he can take not seeing me except for once a week.  Well I spent Tuesday night there too since I worked a late shift Wednesday.  He’s still confused but he knows he cares about me and that he wants to be with me and he’s happier when he’s with me.  He’s said a few times that he and I just feel like we belong together.  I completely agree.  He just is afraid of it I’m sure and probably afraid that we’ll get involved and the distance will drive us apart somehow.  But he continues to talk about ‘us’ in a long-term.  Like we were laying in bed and talking and he said "You’re going to tell our kids some day how they almost didn’t exist because daddy was an idiot and I’ll sit there and be like "It was 20 years ago!""  I just was like Ok, you’re an idiot.  You talk about all this stuff and be an ass basically about this whole thing.  But we’ve talked more in the last like 3-4 days than we did in the last week.  And worse yet it’s not me, hes doing most of the reaching out lately.  Which is fine by me.  I’m pretty sure that seeing me for two days definitely made him more confused because he’s all happy when I’m around.  He loves to hold my hand and touch me and kiss me and I think I did a pretty good job of reminding him how happy he is when I’m around.  It wasn’t my intention that’s the worst part. We agreed to continue being friends and I needed to get away from my family for a while.  I expected to crash on the couch or something, but it was like he couldn’t even take the idea of it.

Men are idiots, we should throw rocks at them.

However I got enrolled in my class, paid for it and everything.  So come Monday I’ll be heading down to Lexi’s.  My appointment is at 9:45am, I figure I’ll be out of there about 10:30-11am.  I can hit the road by noon or so.  Be there about 2-2:30pm.  Then class is at 5pm so I’ll leave there at 4pm to beat traffic going in.  And then I’ll spend Tuesday I think getting familiar with the area and looking for a job.  I know there’s a mall not too far from where I’ll be so I think I’ll start there.  I’m sure it won’t take long to find a job.  I’ll start with retail and then if nothing by the end of the week I’ll go for restaurants.  I don’t really want to be a server but oh well.  If that’s what it comes down to, that’s what it’ll be.

I just want to try and get this thing with B sorted out before I leave Monday.  I doubt it will be but it’s ok.  If it’s not then Saturday Lexi and I may be going out. LOL 

Things to do, things to do.  I have to pack and clean and such…Guess I’ll go do that..LOL