long days, longer nights
So something has been off with Quinn the last few days. I don’t know what it is because I haven’t really gotten to talk to him. We had a big snowstorm Saturday morning. He’d fallen asleep on the phone with me Friday night and things seemed fine. Then Saturday I called when I got home from work but he was expecting another call so I asked him to call me afterwards. He didn’t. I asked if he was going out still even though the roads were bad. He said he was going to campus to visit some friends. I asked him to let me know he got home safe. I didn’t hear back from him. 2am and I was ready for bed and had to be up early for work. I left him a voicemail. I woke up at 6am from having horrible dreams of him being killed in the snow. No messages. I started to worry. I called his phone; it went straight to voicemail. I called one of his friends who said he thought Quinn had stayed on campus. I tried to stop worrying and go back to sleep. Didn’t work. Finally took a nap about 9am and woke up about 9:30am to get ready for work. Called again on my way to work, still no answer. Now proceeded to really start worrying. Noon came and went and still nothing so I called his friend again and asked him to find him and make sure he was really okay. Quinn finally called. He sounded really quiet and sad. So I was glad to hear he was okay but worried about how he sounded. His phone had died and he’d gotten stuck on campus. He expects to be back at his apartment tonight and he said he’ll call when he gets there so I know he’s safe.
It’s been a rough for nights. I felt really worried and then when he didn’t call back I felt neglected and the fact that I asked him to let me know he was okay and he didn’t really bothers me. He knows my number and he could have easily called me on someone else’s phone and told me what was going on. It really hurt me to think that it didn’t occur to him to let me know he was okay after I asked him to and that he didn’t bother to check his voicemails or anything or even attempted to talk to me at all today on someone else’s phone. I’m not saying I would have made him sit there for hours talking, I just mean it would have been nice to know I was being thought about at least!!! I don’t think that’s asking too much. I mean, what does it say that the guy who is in love with me apparently doesn’t really care about getting to talk to me or calling when he said he would or letting me know that he is safe when I ask him to??? Does this mean I’m not a priority to him at all? I don’t think it’s anything that drastic but seriously, that’s how I felt today. Instead of trying to get home or to charge his phone he was hanging out with his friends all day. Gee I wish I could have spent all day doing fahking nothing! I had to work so no, I didn’t. I mean, even if he didn’t know I was freaking out worried about him he still could have had the stray thought "Oh I should let Mimi know my phone is dead so I can’t really talk today." Did he?? FAHK NO!!! I wasn’t even probably a freaking afterthought to him. As usual I had to throw myself in front of him before he thought about me.
I’m not asking to be priority #1 but for the love of all things sacred, is it asking to much to be A priority?! To be thought of not as an afterthought but as someone who is freaking important to someone else?
Xx
