Just not into you…
So I’m watching that movie He’s Just Not That Into You and I have to admit there is a lot about this movie that is so true. Relationships (on all levels) get so complicated these days. Especially with the myriad forms of communication that exist. MySpace, Facebook, text, IM, email. No I’m not including calling on this list because let’s face it, most people don’t call anymore. It’s amazing that people manage to get information back and forth clearly half the time. There isn’t a delineation between serious, sarcastic, patronizing, or adoring. It’s words on a screen and yet people get themselves so worked up over them. Words hurt our feelings, make us laugh, break our hearts, piss us off, and make us walk on air. We throw ourselves out there into cyberspace and hope that somehow, someway some almost cosmic-magical force will let us bump along into someone who feels just like we do at that very moment. It doesn’t work that way though.
People join dating sites hoping to meet their soulmate. What happened to doing it the old fashioned way? Leaving your house and going out to have a good time with friends and you run into them at the bar/restaurant/party? Or going on a blind date? Or running into them at the grocery store or the gas pump? I mean jeez! Why do we expect that meeting some stranger on the internet is so much easier and better than just meeting normally? I did the whole online dating thing. It wasn’t a disaster but it wasn’t working for me. Sifting through personals, reading profiles, staring at pictures. Ugh, it was awful. Don’t get me wrong, I met some nice guys on there and I have a good friend (you might remember B, we are still friends) who I wouldn’t have met otherwise. Those websites helped me grow as a person but didn’t really get me the relationship I wanted.
Then one day, after pining for Quinn for months in silence, it happened that my secret came out. And now here I am. I’m in love with an amazing guy who makes me incredibly happy (most of the time lol). Sure things aren’t perfect. I don’t expect them to be. I have become okay with not fighting for what I think I need. What I want is Quinn, I don’t need the title of being his girlfriend to be happy with him and to be overjoyed each time he says he loves me. I don’t need pretty jewelry to show people that I belong to him. I belong to him because when he says my name with that certain devious tone that tells me wants me it makes my heart leap into my throat and my stomach is filled with butterflies and I get goose bumps. I belong to him because he can make me laugh when all I want to do is cry. He grounds me when I start to work myself into a panic attack or am letting myself get too caught up in worrying about the "What ifs" in my life. Will we be together all our lives? I don’t know. I wish we would be, I hope we will be. But I just don’t know right now. And I’m okay with it because at this point it doesn’t matter if we make it or not. At this point my heart would be broken whether there were titles involved or not. If we walked away from each other I’d still be devastated even if I’m not his girlfriend even if I’m just the girl that he’s seeing. I love him and for me, right now, right here, that’s all that matters.
"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope."
Xx
