hiding

I’m not ready to get up for the day. I woke up and went to my 9am but I just am not ready to deal with today. Last night was kind of a bad thing. I slept alone for the first time since Sunday. It was different but I think I needed it too, just to be alone for a little while. Quinn and I have spent an ungodly amount of time together in the last few weeks and the weird thing is we both don’t even seem to notice. I only know because I realized it last night when I was laying in bed trying to sleep.

I saw Hunter last night. He and I haven’t spoken since the huge ‘discussion’ about 3-4 weeks ago. He decided he missed me and cares about me a lot, maybe even loves me, but I don’t really care anymore. I’m just so over him and me. Volumes 1, 2, and 3, of Mimi and Hunter has taught me the hard way that we would probably not work out. We just think too differently. I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’ve come to believe that nothing in life is impossible. Any statistician will tell you so too.  Sure the odds are nearly a million to one but it’s still not impossible, just highly improbable.  Hunter and I are one of those highly improbable things and I’m coming to accept that slowly.  It’s not easy because I still care a lot about him.  He asked me to try going out with him again even though there are only 2-3 more weeks we could be together.  I said I would if he could prove he meant it this time.  He couldn’t of course so I’m not.  I just don’t know what else to do with him.  He has issues he needs to work on and he knows it.  He’s actually considering seeing a therapist because he’s starting to recognize unhealthy patterns in his life that may indicate some kind of disorder like bi-polar disorder or something and I agree.  I think therapy would be a good thing for him.

I haven’t talked to Quinn yet today.  He called me while I was still with Hunter last night when he was getting ready for bed and I said I’d call him back but he didn’t answer when I did so I think he had already fallen asleep.  Not sure if I’ll talk to him today.  I’m just feeling so avoidant today, I don’t want to deal with anything.  Not school, not work, not people.  I just want to lay in bed all day and read.  But I can’t and I know it.  I have to get lunch in about an hour or so, then I have a tug-of-war competition at 2 for Greek Week.  Then around 4:30 is Bandfest for Spring Weekend.  I have a party tonight to go to and Quinn won’t be there because his frat throws parties in another part of town on Fridays and this week is no exception.  But I will be going to my sororities party because I promised I would and I didn’t exactly get invited to the frat party, though to be honest I pretty much have an open invite since I don’t drink and I don’t cause drama and I know several of the brothers from classes and stuff.  Still I am also a DD tonight sooooo.  I don’t know.  Right now I don’t really know anything.

I feel so lethargic, just completely not wanting to do anything.  I need to get out of this funk because I have too much to do in the next 2 weeks.  I have papers and tests and quizzes this week, then the week after that is finals.  Then senior week and graduation if all goes well.  Then ‘moving’.  So I have a long to-do list including packing.  I can’t ignore it either because I will be at Spring Weekend all day tomorrow I think.  I can work on stuff on Sunday of course since I have no more sorority stuff left now that I’ve gone alum.  But still, we’ll see what I get done today.  

In the meanwhile I think I’m going to take a nap and be avoidant in a healthy way at least.

~*~*~Blessed Be~*~*~