fun times had

Me feeding a giraffe from our zoo trip yesterday.  I have to say though, I was not as impressed as I thought I would be.  The zoo was pretty small, especially compared to the capital zoo which is the one I’m used to going to.  B and I decided that over the summer he is coming up to stay with me and my fam (dangerous idea, I know) so that we can go up to the capital zoo.  We will also be going to the theme park.  We’re making plans….for months from now….a bit scary I know.

And we were very bad last night.  We didn’t have sex but jiminy h. christmas did we get just on the edge of that line.  We were teasing the he# out of each other.  Biting, scratching, licking, kissing….*shivers* OMFG, I was this side of jumping him but my sanity returned and was like "Don’t you do it young lady!"  Thank god B is so wonderful, he completely understands and is fully behind us taking it slow.  Apparently he’s done that whole jumping into sex thing early in his last few relationships and they’ve all ended pretty badly.  And in spite of the complete fact that I was teasing the he# out of him, on purpose, he just let me.  He admitted that he wanted me BADLY but that he didn’t want to do anything that would make me uncomfortable.  He enjoys spending time with me, getting to know me, and if that means we go without sex oh well.  He made a little whimper sound when I said ‘indefinitely’ but he just kept holding me, and said he understands why.  At one point while we were fooling around I got that sudden bomb-rush of "WTF amn I doing?" and got pretty upset.  I couldn’t explain to him why because it was just that weird feeling of "I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know what I want, I don’t like how this is going but I do."  But B saw that I was upset and he asked what he could do and I just shrugged and he was like "Do you want me to hold you?" and I nodded and he did.  He just wrapped his arms around me and held me and whispered things like "It’s ok.  We’ll slow down, we’ll stop.  We don’t have to do anything tonight.  I’m happy just to hold you." 

It almost made me feel worse because I was like "I just teased the freaking he# out of you, on purpose, knowing exactly what I was doing and you know I was doing it on purpose and you just let me, even though we have said and stood behind that we aren’t going to have sex until we are sure we’re both ready."  And we’ve established that for me at least, that means being in a steady relationship.

B asked what would happen between me and Master if we did pursue a relationship.  I told him the truth, that Master and I have already talked about this and I’ve been given permission to pursue a relationship that makes me happy.  Master and I will continue to talk and be friends but the dynamics of our relationship will change.  B said "Ok, good, I don’t want you to give up your friends because of me."

And this may be TMI but I have to share and see what comes of it.  I have known for a while that I like rough sex.  However I’ve never had the real opportunity to see where the line is drawn as to how much is too much.  Most of the guys I’ve been with haven’t been into rough sex, either receiving or giving.  So part of last night I was teasing B to see how much was too much for him.  Let’s just say he’s got a high pain tolerance and the faces he was making while I was teasing him.  They were intense.  He’d like arch up into my hand, his lips slightly parted and either his eyes were shut or he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye like all he could think about was rolling over and ripping my clothes off and just taking me!  OMFG, it was so incredibly arousing to watch, to know that I was having that much of an effect on him.  I told him later on that I wasn’t sure about my tolerance because I’d never had the chance to find out.  He promised me that the next time we have the chance he is going to help me find out. O_o  *shiver, squirm* OMFG.  He’s just so…intense sometimes!!! *turns into a puddle on the bed*  And he can keep me pinned with one hand!!! WTH?  And he was teasing me while holding me down and he just looked so….calm!!!!  I was almost dying, my brain was completely overridden by how freaking amazing it was to look up into his eyes, fighting to get free just to be able to touch him and being completely unable to and he didn’t even seem like he was working that hard to hold me down, in fact he didn’t seem like it fazed him at all and I’m not a weak girl mind you.  And he had me pinned with one freaking hand while the other one got to do basically anything it wanted because I couldn’t get free and he just was looking down at me so calmly, so collected and in control!!  I.  Was. On!!! *whimper*

All I can think about now is that I want that.  I want to look up at him and feel that way again.  I want to watch his face when we finally have sex.  I want to see if it really is as intense as our teasing predicts it will be.  I want to look up into his eyes when he takes me.  FAHK!!  Ya’ll have no idea how freaking intense yesterday was.

Good news is that we are both becoming equally attached to each other.  Hard to believe we’ve been seeing each other almost 4 weeks.  It really doesn’t feel like that long of a time at all.  And B said last night that he was ‘very happy’ and I asked him why and he replied "Because this looks like it’s going to a very good place".   Awww, I know, isn’t he sweet.

And to top that off, I didn’t pay for a single thing while I was with him, not once!  He bought me lunch, made me breakfast and dinner, paid for the zoo, all of it.  I told him flat out that his exes are freaking idiots for letting him go.  He’s incredibly sweet, smart, funny, and good-looking.  I told him he must have some deep, dark secret somewhere.  He says it’s that he hates opening up to people.  I believe it.  Getting him to answer a personal question is like pulling teeth. 😛 

Oh well.  I’m peacing out and laying down.  Feeling sick-y again.  I’m not getting enough sleep lately and it’s making me very nauseas a lot of the time.  Oh well.  My afternoon class was cancelled anyway.  Don’t know if I have to go to group meeting of not yet so I’ll have to keep my ears to the ground for that.

*luv ya bunches*