for you

I love you.  

You’re still my friend even if right now I don’t think either of us really feels like we are still friends.  

I’m still here for you.  Right now I’m just being quiet because I don’t know what to say anymore.

I’m still hurting over the comments, the ones I’ve said and the ones you’ve said.

I’m not mad, I never was.  I was only ever hurt.

This whole situation is so beyond what I know how to cope with, beyond what I can think of to fix.  I don’t know what to do or to say.  I don’t know how you really feel and, honestly, right now I’m afraid of you.  I’m afraid for you too.  

In all the years we’ve known each other, we’ve never fought like this, never been mean or hurtful to each other.

I feel like right now I don’t know you.  And I don’t know what you need or what you want or if you’d accept me offering you my friendship still or if you’d just throw it back in my face.

So instead I sit here on the outside of your life, getting glimpses in and crying for you, crying for my friend that I don’t know how to help, that I don’t know is still my friend or not.

I keep your pictures and I see them every day.  I still have your necklace, our necklace, I don’t where them now but I have them where I can see them, touch them every day to remind myself.

I love you.