F. M. L.

So I know I complain a lot, again, I write to vent/rant/express how freaking fed up I get with both people and my life. I had another of those FML moments today.

So one of the rare and barely shining moments of my life recently has been that all this stress has made me lose weight. The whole depression, no will to eat, meeting panic attack nausea, has been sort of beneficial in that regard. It means all my clothes don’t fit properly anymore. Including my bras. So I went to Victoria Secret because they measure you for free and I figured my bra size had changed. Boy was I write. I lost 4 inches at my waist. Unfortunately my boobs didn’t change proportionately so the 4 inches I lost is all that I lost. For guys and those gals who don’t know, cup sizes are determined based on how far your band is from the edge of your breast, ie, if your band is 35 inches (band size) and your boobs are 37 inches around (bust size, yes they measure around our boobs from the back to the front), that’s a 2 inch difference between the two sizes, a la, a B cup. The more inches between the two the larger cup size. I was a 40D, which means that I was 40 band and 46 bust, that was a difference of 6 inches, a D cup. However subtract 4 inches from my band size and you get 10 inches between my still 46 bust and my new 36 waist. TEN INCHES!!! That’s a freaking G cup!!!!! That’s bigger than DD, FF and EE!!! If I had lost the freaking proportionate 4 inches on my bust line too I’d still be a D, just a 36 instead of a 40! No, that’s not the way my life freaking works. As if I wasn’t enough of a freak and already didn’t have enough body issues because of the fact that I have big boobs! I am the only person I know who hates my big boobs, dreams of getting them reduced, and of course the only person whose cupsize increases because she lost weight. I mean, really how does that happen? And only to me? I’ve never heard of that happening to anyone else before.

I haven’t really talked to Quinn today. I refuse to text him first and he hasn’t been home to IM at all today. I’m just reaching the end of my bloody rope between dealing with all the bullshit people keep throwing at me.