bow to string part deux

Again, bullets, faster and helps me think I think.

Luke and I got into another fight. I called off the sex, but that’s not what started the fight. He keeps wanting me to "be the person I fell in love with again" like it’s something I can control. I finally shot back at him today "Maybe I’d like you to go back to being the romantic, sensitive, supportive guy I fell in love with but I’ve never said that to you because that’s not what love is. Love is loving all of a person’s parts even the parts you don’t like, even the parts that I’d like to strangle, regardless." That’s pretty much where the fight ended. Yeah.
My doctor put me on an anti-depressant today. She said I’ve probably been depressed for months and that it wasn’t the anxiety medicine turning me into a zombie, it was depression. I’ve told one of my uncles and that’s it. I don’t know that I will tell anyone else honestly. I don’t know how I feel about the situation yet. But the new meds are in conjunction with seeking a therapist. I have a list and I’m going to run a check to see which of the list takes my insurance and then make some calls tomorrow before work. Hopefully between that and the new meds I’ll start seeing some improvement in my value of life.
My uncle and I discussed my test and he’s offered to help me pay for it if I have to take it a second time. It makes me feel a bit better about the whole situation but the fact that studying has been making me do worse on my practice stuff still sucks so I’m not sure where to go from here. All the same, I think I’ll set a date for the test and say Fuck it, take it and just hope for the best.
I think I’m going to take up archery. I shot a bow for the first time ever on Sunday and I kind of fell in love with it. I did really well at it too, I even managed to land points on the target face, I think only a whopping five if I remember right between all my arrows but still. I was consistently getting into the target block and only skittered under the target a few times, none of my arrows went really wild. I think I could set up a 20 yard shot in my backyard with a fair degree of safety and not worry about losing arrows in the underbrush. I’m contemplating it but it requires money and/or well-connected(well-meaning) friends since I don’t own a bow (so I’d have to either buy one or borrow one until I can buy one and all the ones I’ve looked at would be at least $200 after shipping. So we’ll see.

And I think that’s your luck.

I’m spent and I’m hungry so I’m going to go change over my laundry and eat my dinner.