back up plan (no not the movie)

So Caleb and I have had this discussion, on-going, for a few months now.

To begin, he is a year younger than me. He just recently turned 24. He is also one of my best friends in the world and just about the only male not related to me that I trust. I have known him for 7 years or so now, a little less than I have known Kay because I met him through her. We started out as just acquaintances and stayed that way for about year or two. Then he joined the army and everything changed. We hooked up right before he was stationed in NY. We didn’t talk for a few months afterwards. It was an awkward moment, to say the least. Then as he called me. He started calling regularly. I broke down and cried when he called to tell me he was deploying (he would be leaving the next day). The year he was gone was what made us so close. Coming from a military family I knew better about how to deal with his absence than a lot of his other friends, better than his girlfriend at the time that’s for damned sure. (She ended up cheating on him within a couple of months of him being overseas.) He came back on leave and we hooked up again. As it turns out I introduced him to rough sex. I’d always thought it had scared him but as it turns out, I’d only caught him by surprise. He enjoyed it. Now he says the rougher it is the faster he gets off. He likes it rough now. *chuckles* Yep, I did that to him, and this kid has WAY more sexual experience. He did even back then when we hooked up and I still blew his mind with a few little love-bites and running my nails down his back just a little harder than most girls. Understand, we hooked up when I was first discovering my love/obsession with Alpha males and being dominated sexually. We continued to talk and we grew closer over the years. We still rarely see each other because he has set up a permanent home in Pittsburgh and goes to school full-time.

Well, getting back to my topic, Caleb and I have joked about being each other’s ‘back up plan’. 10 years from now, if neither of us were in a committed relationship, we would get married. Somewhere along the lines, it evolved. It’s no longer a joke. We now discuss it as a viable option. We know we can get along, we have similar ideas about family values and work ethics and stuff like that. As it turns out we are sexually on about the same level. I don’t know that he would ever be the Alpha male I crave so much but I know he’d probably be a good partner. (No we haven’t had sex recently. When he’s come to visit the last few times one or both of us have been in a relationship and neither of us are cheaters. I make this assumption based on past experience and our conversations about sex.) Honestly, I do hope it never comes to that for either of us but really, he and I both have a terrible track record with our love lives. We’ve both been cheated on by just about every significant other we’ve had; we both are pretty picky about the people we date; neither of us seem capable of having a long-term relationship. We are pretty much each other’s longest opposite-gender relationship and we’re just friends. I’ve said before that he has admitted to basically just be waiting for the day when I’m not there anymore too, the day I abandon him like so many other females have.

I have a back-up plan. I’m not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, I feel better that at least in 10 years I have a possibility of doing the whole marriage and babies thing. On the other hand, how sad is it that I have a back-up plan at all??? I’m torn between feeling better or feeling worse about the whole concept. Granted, it’s Caleb. I pretty much know what I’m getting into with that. He’s never met any of my boyfriends because honestly, Caleb would be worse with them than my family would be. Easily 10-20X worse. He’s a blunt a-hole. He will be the one to pull them aside and say "If you hurt that girl I will hunt you down, break your arms, your legs, and then leave you to be a vegetable for a few years before finally killing you." And he is also the guy who would be dumb enough to say "Yeah, we hooked up a few years ago" and plant that seed of doubt with the guy so that he’s always going to wonder when Caleb calls, what exactly is going through my head, blah blah freaking blah! And he’d do it on purpose just to fahk with the poor guy. My family is crazy, yes, I am afraid to bring people home to meet them. But Caleb is not crazy, he’s just an a-hole! He is the last of my friends that any new person ever finds out about, much less meets. He is like the final exam in a class, the test that really can decide whether you pass or fail no matter how good your grade might have been before that test. And he’s my back-up plan. *headdesk*