and the raindrops fall down

Every time it rains it seems to affect my mood more than any other weather pattern.  I don’t know what it is about rain that makes me get all weepy-like.  I just start wanting to cry and Lord knows I have plenty of reason to cry if I sit down and let myself start feeling that way.  I’ve been doing so well the last few weeks in not thinking about it, in being happy and thankful for each day that I’m given.  But today it just hurts so much and I can’t even really say why.  I don’t think there is a particular why.  I think it’s a bunch of why’s that just started ganging up on me while there is a chink in my armor.

Hunter is being his usual confusing self but we are supposed to have a date on Sunday when he gets back and I’m done with my sorority stuff.
Usual family drama and lack of money.
B is not speaking to me suddenly and I don’t know why.  Ok, I have a strong feeling I know why but I’m going to bite my tongue until I have proof.
I still don’t know what is going to happen after I graduate except that I’ll go to Florida for a few months.
I feel disconnected from so many of my friends because I never get to see them and soon it may become even harder.

I only hope these feelings will pass once everyone gets back from break and I can see my friends here again.  And hopefully this stupid rain goes away soon too.  It’s supposed to clear up by Tuesday. 

As for the latest Hunter drama, it’s the same old, same old really.  He still wants me, he just can’t figure out why or how to deal with how he feels.  And I know it’s stupid of me to still want him and to want to be with him after all this mess.  But I just feel like I’m supposed to be with him.  Maybe not romantically, maybe not forever, but I feel like I belong with him for now at least.  Being with him is easy and right for me.  If he’d stop fighting it every step of the way it would be easy on both of us.  I just wish….I don’t know what I wish anymore.

I wish life would be less complicated.  I wish people would stop being so foolish.  I wish things were easier, simpler, less painful.

I’m tired of all this pain and hard work when I see no results. 

I feel tired and worn out.  Like someone has wrung me out and hung me out to dry. 

I hate the rain.

~*~*~Blessed Be~*~*~