about last night

It didn’t really go as planned.

I didn’t chicken out, but I sort of did. The words "I love you" didn’t come out of my mouth. I just couldn’t make myself say them. I guess I’m still too scared to say them out loud yet.

On the other hand I did talk to Isaac about it. I told him how no one has taken care of me in years, how it really meant a lot to me and that he’s come to mean a lot to me and I kinda copped out of saying "I love you" by saying that feelings were involved. As in, feelings were now involved in our relationship. He replied the feelings have been involved in our relationship from the beginning. I’m not sure if we’re actually on the same page of this or not but I reiterated this morning, saying I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He kept saying that we are but I just don’t know.

I don’t know how to be sure other than saying it but then he could just be one of those people who says it back because that’s what he’s been trained to do. I don’t effing KNOW!!! I want to say it, to tell him, but I just don’t know how to other than to just say it and I couldn’t last night. I wanted to, I tried to, but I couldn’t.

S/N: for the anonymous noter. I’m not ready to marry anyone any time soon so I’m not sure why you’re asking if I want to marry him.