Together again

A few weeks ago my mother mentioned that she and Cheryl had made an offer on a house in Florida.  I was busy and distracted at the time and didn’t really ask any follow up questions. In my mind I had figured they were just talking about a place they could go on vacation and then rent out for the rest of the year.  They have been talking about doing something like that for a long time.  A week went by before I talked to them again, at which point my mom said the offer had been accepted and things were progressing as usual towards them closing at the beginning of January.  And then she said that they wouldn’t really move down there until after the school year was over because Cheryl is a school teacher and she wasn’t going to leave mid-year.

It was at that point that I realized they were actually talking about moving down there.  Time for follow up questions.  Turns out they are buying a small home inside a nudist resort just outside of Tampa.  Their plan is to live there and be able to practice nudism essential 24/7/365.  Before I could ask, my mom informed me that the firm she works for has an office in Tampa, but that she would really be setting up a home office and be doing much of her job over the phone and internet.  Cheryl was setting up interviews with local school departments and didn’t think there would be any problem finding a job considering her experience and the lack of school teachers these days.

It kind of surprised me to realize this was actually going to happen.  My moms had always talked about moving somewhere warmer.  They had been eyeing southern California for years.  I didn’t expect them to suddenly move to Florida.  I know I will miss them and it will be an adjustment, but they are not really a part of my daily life these days and I didn’t see it having a huge impact on me.

But then she surprised me with more news.  She said they didn’t think that now was a right time to try to sell their house in Boston, and she asked me if I wanted to live in it.  I totally didn’t see that coming.

The were a few catches, though.  It wouldn’t be just for me and Guy.  She said she was really only making the offer if it was going to be for Cindy, Jayson, and their kids as well.  She said she was coming to me first because she knew I would end up being the "mother" of the house and she didn’t want to even mention it to Cindy unless I was willing.  

It really wasn’t an easy decision to make.  I loved the idea of moving into a nice house in a nice neighborhood well outside of what would normally be my price range.  Having a yard and all that extra space sounded amazing.  But Guy and I had been thrilled to have Cindy move out and we loved the solitude of being just the two of us.  Not having two young kids around was a big part of it, but we really didn’t want to have to deal with Cindy all day every day either.  I love my sister.  With all her faults, I really love her, but she wears on me when we’re together for extended periods of time.

I thought about how my moms’ house is set up, with the master bedroom on one side of the house, which would be for Guy and me, and all the other bedrooms on the other side of the house.  That could give us some privacy.  I asked my mom if I could be the one to approach Cindy about it and she was fine with that.

I talked to Guy about it when I got home and he has the same mixed feelings that I did. In the end, we agreed that we both were leaning towards accepting the offer because it would be a nicer place to live and would save us money.  Why couldn’t my moms have offered the place just to us?

So Cindy and I went out last weekend, just the two of us, for manis and pedis and afterward I told her I wanted to talk to her about something.  She seemed nervous, which is reasonable.  "We need to talk" is not something anyone ever wants to hear.  She probably expected me to give her a hard time about her smoking, which was the last time we had a serious conversation.

We went to a coffee shop.  When I told her about the offer for our moms’ house, she got very excited.  Of course she would.  There is no downside for her.  She wouldn’t be upset about having Guy and me around, we’re quiet and well behaved and we’re free babysitters.  Not to mention that my mom is completely right that I would end up being the person taking care of everyone.

Cindy started begging me to agree to it.  I told her the problem is that she is the only one that doesn’t work, and on top of that she doesn’t contribute much to housework.  I realize she is taking care of two kids.  I don’t mean to downplay her role raising children.  But it’s frustrating for three out of four people to be working all day and then come home to the fourth person who was home and didn’t even bother to wash the dishes.  I continued saying things like that to her just trying to be honest with her about what my fears are with us living together again and I looked up at her and she had tears running down her cheeks and she started fighting with me telling me that she is not lazy, that she takes care of her house and her kids right now without any of my help and that I needed to stop being so judgmental. She got up from the table, told me to go fuck myself rather loudly, and then walked out of the coffee shop.  

I sat there for a few minutes before I followed her.  I thought about what she said and realized she was probably right.  She does take care of her house and family these days without my help.  And from all appearances she does a decent job of it.  Why had I become judgmental?  I walked out and apologized.  We cried together.  There are still a lot of things to iron out, but I suspect we’ll all be living together again this summer.