Staggering

For various reasons, there are a lot of lesbians in my life.  My mother and my sister as well as several of my friends.  Tomorrow I get to go to a lesbian wedding.  In some ways I feel like pointing out that it is a lesbian wedding and not just calling it a wedding should be unnecessary.  Like when people say "female cop" instead of just cop.  There are a lot of things I hate about Massachusetts, but I’m glad I live in a state where two women who love each other can get married.

These friends getting married seem to defy the butch/fem phenomenon that I see in so many lesbian relationships.  By that I mean that there is usually a feminine lesbian and a masculine lesbian in each couple.  In my sister’s case, she is definitively the feminine half of her marriage.  My mother is is masculine half of hers.  Although I have to admit my step mother is pretty masculine as well.  My two friends getting married are both in kind of that middle-ground.  Both are mostly feminine, yet both also seem to have those stereotypical qualities that make it obvious they are lesbians.  I asked my sister once about the "lesbian stereotype" and why she thinks that so many lesbians actually do fit it perfectly.  She said that in many cases lesbians try to "look the role" because they want to be identifiable to other lesbians.  I guess I get that.  In much the same way that I never tried to hide that I am trans when I was single.  

I’m hoping to get some good inspiration from this wedding, because my own wedding planning is somewhat stalled.  On the other hand, I may have picked a gender-reassignment surgeon, and Guy and I will be traveling to Philadelphia in February to have a consultation with her.  I am looking forward to it.  The idea of me having my surgery before the wedding is starting to become more and more of an option we are considering.

The baby is crawling.  Now I have to be even more concerned about keeping the floor clean.  It ought to be a concern of Cindy’s, but cleaning seems to really all fall on my shoulders.  I came home yesterday and Cindy was sitting on the couch, naked, with the laptop on her knees.  The baby was in the floor in front of her.  She had been home all day just sitting there on the computer without even considering doing a load of laundry or preparing something for dinner.  My sister and I are supposed to be roommates, but sometimes I really feel like her mother.

My father is still helping with the rent.  We could survive if he wasn’t helping, but it’s really nice that he does.  And that’s my biggest reason for not suggesting that Cindy find somewhere else to live.  I’m afraid that might alter the amount of help my father provides.  I know he wants his granddaughter to be comfortable and raised in at least a marginally normal environment (nothing will ever be quite normal with Cindy) and me living with her is really the best way to achieve that.

Finals are over and it’s nice that I’m done with school for nearly a month.  It will definitely be a chance for me to catch up on housework that I’ve been neglecting.  Guy will also be starting a new position after the first of the year and will no longer be working nights.  That will be a big change in my life because I really have been seeing very little of him over the last year.  For the most part, this last year, it has felt like I’ve been living with Cindy and the baby and Guy and Jayson have just been two men who sleep in our house during the day.

The extra money will be nice too.  The amount of money we spend on diapers is staggering, and it’s just going to get worse when the new baby comes along.