Producing anyway

Guy and I made the journey out to Moshup beach on Martha’s Vineyard for the 4th.  He asked me what I wanted to do and I suggested the nude beach.  He was a little surprised since I haven’t really been interested in nude things since I started transitioning a few years ago, but lately I’ve been feeling a lot more comfortable with my body.  I’ll be so much happier when I don’t have a penis though.

The weather here has been wonderful, from my perspective, since I love heat and humidity.  Everyone else is complaining about it though. The sad part is I have been so busy with work, helping Cindy, and wedding planning that I haven’t had much time to just enjoy a beach trip.  So Guy and I set out to make a full day beach trip.

It’s of course a very popular day to go to the vineyard, but we fought the crowds and went anyway.  As we made our way up-island towards our beach, the crowds got smaller.  I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but to get to this beach it’s a 90 minute drive from Boston, then a 45 minute ferry ride, then an hour on a bus.  Once actually at the beach, it’s still a long walk from the parking lot to the water, and another long walk to the nude part of the beach.  It’s quite a trip, but worth it.

When we got there, Guy got naked and stripped down to my panties.  I spent most of the day like that, only getting nude when I got in the water.  Even being comfortable with my body, I don’t like to draw attention to the fact that I have a penis.  I really want people to see me as a woman, not as a transgirl.

I’ve been crying a lot lately, but I actually cried a little when it was time to leave.  I really love that beach and it’s not a place I visit often enough just because of how much work it takes to get there.  Guy knows me well enough to know why I was crying.  He hugged me and told me we’d try to get back there before the wedding.  I hope we do.

We had a quick dinner at a place we like in Vineyard Haven.  It would have been fun to see the fireworks in Edgartown but we both needed to work in the morning and had to get the ferry back home.  

One of the things with my new hormones that I’m still adjusting to is a sudden much-stronger affection towards Guy.  I’ve been madly in love with him for years, that hasn’t changed, but suddenly I find myself swooning for him.  Just looking at him sometimes makes me smile and think about how important he is to me.  I’m clingy with him now.  We kiss a lot more than we used to.  At night I curl up with him instead of just sleeping on my side of the bed.  It’s weird to me how something I take like medicine can make me feel this way.  And I wonder if I should worry that it’s just the hormones, or if it should make me happy because these are hormones my body ought to be producing anyway.