Mummified bottom

The first week of work went smoothly enough.  I was a little intimated by how professional everyone was.  I have worked only in very casual environments up until now.  Everyone has been friendly and even though I am still learning what I need to do I am hopefully already being helpful.  

The office is very nice and I like all the perks that are available.  Strangely, one thing they don’t offer is parking and I have no choice but to take the subway to work.  Not really a bad thing, I’d probably take the subway anyway, but it just seems weird.

So I bought a new bikini at La Perla.  It was outrageously expensive, but I considered it a celebration of my new job (and my new body) and I decided to splurge.  Yesterday I wore it to the beach for the first time.  

It was a a hot day on a holiday weekend so the beach was packed.  But they were doing renovations on the bathroom building and had a line of port-a-johns out for everyone.  Those aren’t fun under any circumstances, but even worse when they are sitting in the hot sun.  I tried to avoid them at all costs, but eventually needed to suffer through it.

So I go inside the little smelly restroom box and I don’t want to get my expensive new bikini bottom dirty by letting it touch the floor so I very carefully just untie one side and I’m holding it.  I guess I wasn’t being careful enough though because when I leaned forward to reach some toilet paper, it slipped and fell right down onto the pile of fecal matter.  

I was mortified.  Not just because I had lost something so expensive, but because I hadn’t brought anything to the bathroom with me.  No towel, no cell phone, nothing to cover up with.  I was standing there bottomless not quite sure what to do.

After a bit of consideration, I decided the only option I had was to wrap myself with toilet paper.  It was ridiculous, but what better choice did I have?  So I walk out of the port-a-john with my mummified bottom and half to walk all the way back to our spot on the beach.  I tried not to look at people because I didn’t want to know who was noticing how silly I looked.

I get back to Cindy and put on a towel and explain the who situation to her, and of course her response is to ask why I didn’t just reach down into the port-a-john and get my bikini bottom.  Gross.  No way was I doing that after seeing where it landed.  And even if I had done that, I certainly wouldn’t have put it on.  

So that was my exciting for the weekend.  I’m looking forward to just a relaxing Labor Day today.  Nothing planned, just maybe some nice booze and food before bed.  I have a dentist appointment in the morning.