Torn….

Ug! I am so frusrated! I know i havn’ tgotten to my realtionship with Ian too much in this diary so far (Im getting there) but some things have reently happened that have just made it impossible to not talk about it. And I will try and get this done before I leave for work. I told Ian that I didn’t want to see him anymore, after I found out that he had slept with this chick, and that I thought he was lying to me and taking advantage of me, and I felt used and horrible, and so for the first time in my whole life, I ended a realationship. I was so hurt. I am not a very strong person, so it was all I could take not to call him back and say, never mind, and then just got over it like it did so many other times when i found out about the stuff he did. But now he hs come back and told me all this stuff, about how he is sorry, and about how I was the best he had ever had, and that he had now messed things up, and that he was going to live with that forever and so on. And now I can’t sleep. I have not even begun to get over the felings that I have for him, and This new information coming at a time like this is only making me weaker. I still want to be with him, but then there is this other part that is saying, he is only goign to hur you again… even though he doesn’t mean it, he does. He said that he wouldn’t call me anymore, or just show up at my house, but honestly, last night, a big part of me wanted him to show up. And I honestly don’t know if, if he did show up, I would be able to trun him away. UG. I am so torn! And now I have to go to work… ug. I will finish this up later…