oh, wow
Wow. So I just re-read my last entry. I am not sure where that came from. i know that it is true, but I guess I am so used to using happiness to forget my problems that I forgot how depressed I can get. Weird. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am really likeing the direction taht my life is going right now… in some respects. I mean, personally i am doing pretty good. I am starting to feel a bit of distane between me and some of my friends though, and that makes me sad. i haven’t talked to my friend laura in a really long time. And I just found out that Ryan is moving back up north for a while. i am realyl happy for him, because it means more work and something to do besides temp work… but I really really miss him when he is gone. Not that we really spend all that much time together when he is here. But he is like the closest guy friend that I have ever had. i know that I can talk to him about anything, and get a straight answer… Not something you find every day. And it is just so hard to keep touch when he is gone. We tend to play phone tag all the time. Maybe we talk every few weeks or so… Oh well. Perhaps this time I will be able to see his show. On the work front, i am starting to go though one of those lack of self confidence stages. Which is really stupid I know, but i guess I feel like i need to be super woman or something, and when I can’t it makes me feel like a failure. And now I am adding to my job in LA. I get to be production manager and stage manager, instead of just SM. Which is ok, but I really think I need more money for that and I get very… I don’t know… Passive when it comes to that. I find that when I am lacking in confidence, it becomes harder for me to stand my ground and be a good leader. I feel incomptent and so I back down. But when I am working at other places, I have all the authority I need, and I have no problem telling someone off if I have to. (In a nice way of corse) I don’t know. I am about to go to kels house and have kabobs and watch Eddie Izzard. Hopefully that will help me feel more connected. I don’t know. There really isn’t any reason for me to be depressed. But somehow I am……..