Lonely

This has nothing to do with the entry, but does anyone know how to make my entries centered, and how to add pictures? I have seen it done on other diaries.

Ok, so tonight I feel very melancholy. I got off work today at four and I slept until seven. I was supposed to go watch my brother play a softball game and then go for pizza. If I left now, I could still make it to pizza. Maybe I will still go.

My co-worker’s mother died this week. She had been very ill since the first of the year. She actually died twice, but she came back. I don’t want to go into the details. But she was finally doing better, but then the hospital killed her. She is a diabetic, and so they checked her blood sugar and found that it was 91… so they gave her… 20 UNITS OF INSULIN!!!!! For those of you who don’t know… that is way too much. So her blood sugar went down to 27 and she went into diabetic shock. So then, after that happened, she got pneumonia. She, she had recently had a tube down her throat, so it was really scratchy and sore, and they were pureeing her food. They were supposed to do a test to make sure that the food was going to her stomach, but they didn’t. The nurse who got the order basically just sat on it, so for 2 days all of the food she was taking in went straight to her lungs! So, needless to say, she finally died. Work is hell right now. I have only known her mother for two years, but I am just so upset, because she is upset, and anytime someone dies needlessly, it upsets me.

So I am listening to my new Duncan Sheik CD. He rocks. His music is perfect for my mood right now. I am so lonely. One of my best friends has just moved away. about 80 miles away, and he doesn’t have a car. My car can barely make it to school and back these days, so we can’t really see each other. And that makes me sad. I miss him. The phone just isn’t the same. I hate the phone.

And I have other friend who are living far from me right now, some of them who are going through all his shit… and I feel so helpless, like I can’t do anything to help. My one friend is all alone living with an abusive father, and I know she wants to die. And I can’t even tell her everything will e ok, because I know it won’t be. And I don’t want to tell her that I will be there, because I know I can’t be, even though I want to. And I don’t want her to die, but I know how much she wants to. I don’t have a moral problem with suicide, But I would miss her terribly if she were to go. I feel so helpless. Helpless and Alone.

“I’ve been sleeping on half of my bed lately, thinking about what you said to me”

“And you say…Stay”