listening to Radiohead

So here I am.  It is a little early for me to be up.  But I just can’t help but feel fully awake.  I am listening to Christopher O’Riley playing Radiohead.  It is all radiohead, but for solo piano.  It is so great.  It really fits my mood right now…. Which is fantastic. But I am trying really hard not to do what I said I wouldn’t do.  And I am finding it really hard.  But I don’t want other people to look at me and discount me because of something that I said either… But at the same time I don’t want to be that person who needs to be discounted.  Ug… making no sense. 

So, I am really confused.  I have had my share of relationships.  A few weren’t that bad.  A few were really really bad.  And in each one, while I was in them, i was convinced that it was love.  And in a way i think that it was, only it was a weird version of love… almost like imitation love… Actually, I know the analogy.  Like Plato’s Cave.  While you are in there it is totally real.  If someone tries to tell you that there is something better you don’t belive them because all you know is the shadows on the wall of the cave.  I think that i might be stepping out of the cave.  The feelings that I am feeling right now are really different from anything that I have felt.  That sounds so cheesy and cliche…. but it is true and I don’t know how else to put it. I am trying to sort out the feelings and not be too horribly…. i dont’ even know the word I am looking for.   Dan said something to me this morning that totally made me melt and at the same time feel stronger than I think I have felt in a  long time.  Or ever.  That is the scary thing… so many feelings are not just strong, but the strongest.  it is something I don’t really knwo waht to do with, but it is making it really hard to keep the promise I made to myself.  I am sure the entry is confusiong enough so I will let it be.