Funeral

Well, Today was the funeral for my coworker’s mom. We closed the Bakery so we could all go. Although, one of my bosses couldn’t be there because her mother was so sick. She had been getting better, but last night she got worse. I just hope that I don’t have to go to another funeral for her.

I realized while I was sitting there in the chapel today before the service started, that I have only been to three funerals (including this one) in my whole life. The first funeral that I went to was for my Piano teacher, Mrs. Graham. She was my teacher starting when I was five until I was maybe ten. I called her Nana Graham. She dies when I was in seventh grade and I went to her funeral. It was right at the cemetery, and it was kind of creepy, seeing them lower her into the ground.

Then my Grandfather died my freshman year in high school, but we didn’t have a funeral for him. He wanted his ashes scattered in the ocean, and so we had in informal gathering, or memorial service, on the beach where his family and friends just gathered to talk about him. They didn’t scatter the ashes till about a month later because the weather was so bad, and I didn’t get to go to that.

The second funeral that I went to was during my freshman year in college. It was for my best friend Laura’s little brother Brian. He had been a freshman in high school, and he committed suicide. That was a traumatic experience, let me tell you. I’ll tell you this, before Brian killed himself, I wrestled with the idea of suicide. I felt that it would just make it so much better. But once I saw what his family was going through, and all of the people it affected, I know I could never kill myself. (this is my personal choice, I would never judge someone else for making a different one) I have never seen so many people show up at a funeral (in real life… Princess Di doesn’t count) All of the teachers from all of the local schools, all kinds of kids from the neighborhood. My only thought was, where were we all while this kid was going through misery? I have gone through all kinds of grief because I never really gave Brian much thought, he was just my friend’s brother. But I thought what if this.. what if that… But that is probably another entry entirely.

Then came the funeral today. Now, I have only known this lady for about 2 years. But I guess my crying came from empathy mostly. That and thinking about how it would be if I lost my mom. Ug. I shudder to think. In fact, I realized that I never want to have to go through what my friend went through today. I hope I never have to say goodbye to a parent, or a sibling. But the only way that would happen is if I died first. And then they would have to do the same for me… and I don’t really want that either. Oh well. I guess I will deal when the time comes.

Those are all my thoughts for now. Overall, today is just a depressing day. And now I have to go into the theater and try and figure out why out center speaker wasn’t working last Tuesday, and try and fix it by tomorrow night’s show. Ug.