Chris

Well, I said that this entry would be a continuation of Tim pt 2, because I kinda went through this whole guy-transfer thing. I didn’t realize it at the time of corse. Now, just a warning… I don’t know if any of the characters in this diary will ever come across this, but if you do, please know that i don’t want to hurt you, I just need a place to write out my true feelings. And if I’ve messed up, we can talk about it ok? That being said, lets dive on into Chris.

I met Chris through church. He actually dated my best friend Kelly for almost a year while I was dating Luke. It took Chris a while to get over Kelly, but eventually he did (as far as I know) and so then after about a year, we started hanging out a lot. Now, when Tim and I had our conversation about how we could no longer really see each other, I was devestated. So I called Chris and said that I needed to talk. He came over and we sat in the living room and talked for hours. I told him everything about my relatoinship with Tim, and what had happened. Now, Tim had been Chris’s pastor also, and I think he took all the news rather well. I think for my sake he held in a lot of emotion about it. But anyways, I told Chris that he couldn’t tell anyone about it because, well, Tim was still a pastor, adn his job could seriously be in jeapordy if it came out. So, Chris and I kidna had this bond… he knew my biggest secret. Plus I was hurting a lot over Tim. We eventually began to date, and I really really liked him. We spent a lot of tiem together. In fact, we spent as much time together as possible. This meant that our other friendships kidna went by the wayside. I jsut felt very close to him. And in this relationship, we were the same age, and we could actually be a couple. It was great. Chris was just what I needed at that juncture in my life. He was so romantic. Much more so than Luke. He wrote me poetry, we made me dinner. He even arranged to have bagpipes played for our anniversary dinner, but they ended up not being able to make it.(They were friends of his from highschool, and I absolutly love bagpipes) We really connected on an emotional level. But I think we got in too deep…

We were both having problems with our family. Chris’s parents didn’t take him seriously, and my faher and I didn’t get along. And we were both fed up with the youth leader of our church at the time. And, when you are 16 all of your problems seem even more horrible than they may seem to an adult. So, one day Chris and I decided that we were goign to run away together. He came over and threw rocks at y window, I climbed out and we left in the middle of the night. The only place I could think of goign to was Tim’s house. I called him and he said that we could stay there, at least for a while. So we got to Tim’s in a few hours, and He was like… “are you pregnant?” That was the only reason he could think of why I would be running away. I told him no, and then we talked about why we had run away. We ended up staying there for about three days. (it was summer) It was very strange seeing Tim again, and staying in his house. His wife tolorated me being there because I was with Chris I think. But things were weird and painfull. I remember one time the three of us went to the mall and got frozen yogert. Chris and I sat next to each other adn Tim sat across from us. He asked Chris how he was doing and Chris answered. Then he asked me how I was doing, but he looked into my eyes. I jsut looked away, and gave some lame answer, and turned the conversation elseware. Later that night Chris went to bed, and Tim stayed up. He jsut looked at me and I looked back. We didn’t really say anything, except that he knew I was avoiding his eyes earlier. And that he knew why, now that I had let him look. He didn’t stay long. He went on to bed and I just cried. Seeing him was so confusing and frustrating. Anways, we left a while after that, and I didn’t tell chris what had happened.

I was very close to chris but our relationship had its problems. First of all, we were exclusive around our friends, and that drove them away. so that forsed us to be more exclusive, because we really had no one else. Second problem was that I stopped dancing while I was with Chris. I wanted to be with him all the time, adn he wanted to be with me. So i wouldn’t go to class. Then came the Summer before Senior year. I had a discussion with a friend at school about mormanism, adn why after trying all sorts of religions, my friend had settled on mormanism. He said some thiings that really shook up my faith, but for some reason, I didn’t want to tell chris about it. I wrote to Tim. He had the advice I needed. I got some different friends at my highschool my junior year, because I had pushed my old friends away, and we did a little drinking. I kept that from chris too. i knew how he would react, adn I didn’t want to deal with it. Again, I went to Tim with my questions. Then I started teaching dance class over the summer,and my friend Ryan taught an acting class at the same place. Since I could drive, I gave him rides. we started becoming closer friends. I was trying to get him hooked up with my friend Erin. But all of the while, Chris was getting upset that we weren’t spending as much time together. And then school started, adn things all went to shit….