Boys will be boys

Ok. So I am starting this diary mainly for myself. I am going through a whole self reevaluation and assesment. (sp?) My last relationship was with a guy who I loved dearly, but then he went away for a while and when he came back things just weren’t the same. And as much as we both said that we wanted to be together, I began to realize that we had had our time together, and that it was over. The thing that cemented that decision was the fact that he slept with someone else. I figure that is kind of a clue that the relationship was over. At first I was really really angry with him. I was of course very hurt, and I guess I still am a bit hurt. My friends all hate him. But I can’t hate him. Even though I hurt, I know that he will always have a place in my heart. I will always care for him, even through everything. And I wish him happiness in whatever he does.

I, on the other hand, am now trying to make sense of my life and my direction. I think I know what I want to do, but I am on my own for the first time in a long time. I don’t have an intimate relationship with which to rejuvenate myself. For as long as I can remember, I have defined myself based on the person who was closest to me. And through doing that I am unclear as to who I really am. My friend Kelly says that I do not need to have a definition of myself, but the fact that I am me is enough, no matter what “me” means. I am not sure about this, but we will see. Perhaps I will find out through the course of this diary.