Questions and Concerns…

Today I realized that God could possibly be punishing me for that abortion I had, I’m mad with myself bc I feel alone as I did when I got it. At the time I just started my new job and got pregnant carelessly and was scared. I truly didn’t get a chance to be happy about it, this has never happened to me before! I was afraid and my person at the time… We just were not on the same page that was pure disagreements and unhappiness between the both of us and all I could think about was if I have it will he think I will do to him what his ex did to him? I would never! Truly feel like I got an abortion for him not me bc now if you ask me would I have it my answer would be yes. I would be a single mom bc him and I never seemed to get it right… I could blame myself for our relationship imploding but would he??

They say I seen my sonogram is when I felt connected to he/she, we had names picked out for what we wanted to call our kids. And I’m just said I truly feel I will never have that with anyone ever again 🙁

I ve always wanted a family of my own, kids, husband, a home as I don’t truly have anyone. I don’t have family and I’ve ruined my chances of probably ever having one with the one man I truly ever loved.

I could I let this happen? I could I not see what I was doing to hurt us , I could I not overstand that he would have to move on and let me go to find his peace away from me. I question everything and I’m concerned about everything, my life, and where am I going to end up… Will I be alone now?? 💔🥀