Strangeness

It’s been one of those weekends, where I just kind of miss everyone. I know they’ll say it’s your fault Sonja cause you don’t hang out with us. But it’s like I have a job. I have to work so I can go to school and all that. And I feel so bad cause the only time I can hang out they can’t because it’s to late or something like that.

Like last night I was kind of excited cause I might see my Sarah’s and Anne over at Andy’s. But I didn’t get to see them. And I just miss the posse. I miss us being able to do stuff. But on the weekends I work nights and I can’t do stuff with them because they’re going places or doing things that will conflict with me and getting to work. So I can’t hang out with them. I miss hanging out with my best friend. And I miss Elizabeth. I miss Jenni Penny and Jenny R and Worthless and Val. I miss it all so much.

And everything today reminded me of someone and things I wish I could be doing. The movies at work reminded me of the movie parties. This one guy named Matt reminded me of all three of my Matts and how I wanted ot hang out with them. The color blue reminded me of Schlampe and Anne. Putting up Fight Club reminded me of Elizabeth and Val. The pizza coupons reminded me of O Sarah, JP, and JR. Seeing the phone reminded me of what me and Adam did earlier this week. Remebering that I was wearing my hat and seeing it reminded me of Jess.

It’s just been one of those days. And I kind of wish I could of seen everyone. I just kind of wish that later today that I could talk to everyone or get a phone call or something but I know I can’t cause I have work tonight at 5. So I don’t think that’s enough time for surprise phone calls or visits to see how everyone is. I just want everyone to know I do care about them all. I just never say it. I can never find it in me to let it out and tell everyone.

I’m strange that way. I don’t know how to say hey you know I care. I just want everyone to know I do though I don’t say it. Everyone of my friends and people I care deeply about should know it. Because it is very true and there is nothing no more truer then that.

I want to hold your hand in the sunshine, in the middle of the field of wildflowers, I want you to know that when I hold your hand or I’m in your embrace I’m no longer afraid. I can take on the world I fear inside all by myself with you by my side.

~Sonja~