Innocently

I stand here wondering why? What went wrong? What did I do? And I can’t quite figure out what is wrong. That I actually don’t know what it is I did. And I can’t find a reason why I’m questioning myself the way I am. It makes no sense in my head. But it hurts and that’s all I know. It hurts and there’s nothing I can do to make it better.

I watched friends fight yesterday. I stood by helpless not knowing what to say or do. Because what do you say to make everything okay. What do you do to make everything okay again. You just can’t say hey it’s okay. It doesn’t work. I tried talking I think I failed horribly.

Sometimes I feel that I just let everyone down. That there is nothing I can do to make them smile. That there is nothing I can do to make everything okay or at least make them feel a little better. I just can’t do it. I can’t find wisdom in the words I use to say. I can’t remember what I did this summer when all the fights broke out and I would be all wise and funny and everything would be better. I can’t do that now. And everyone’s hurting and they can’t see me hurting and crying and it makes me that much more alone.

People always offer up a penny for someone elses thoughts, I refuse to sell my thoughts for a penny, a nickle maybe but not a penny.

~Sonja~