In A Moment

~Dear Journal~

I’ve spent all day looking for the words to write in here. For the words to say to you tonight. But I’m at a lost for words at once in my life. For once in my life I can’t find words to describe how I feel inside. I can’t bring myself to say the truth outloud anymore. That the only way it comes out is in the words I place on paper for no one else to see.

I’m afraid of losing it all in a single moment. I’m afraid of not knowing love. I’m afraid of losing everything I care about. And there is nothing I can do about it. There is nothing I can do to keep it from not going away. There is nothing from changing it all. It’s going to keep changing no matter how much I don’t want it to change.

I can’t find it within myself to keep going on anymore. I want to end it all. I want to take care of the pain within right now. But there’s a nagging voice in the back of my head saying no, you can’t. This feeling is going to stay with me for the next few weeks. And there is nothing I can do to stop it and nothing I can do to make it go away. As much as I want it too. As much as I want to try and make it go away. I can’t make it go away. I wish I had a solution. I wish I had an answer. I wish I could make it feel better.

Someone once told me that talking works best. But how can I talk about it if I’m not comfortable with telling people that I feel bad. That I’m very uncomfortable with being left open and vunrable by stupid things. I wish I could make it all go away and make everything better again. I wish I could talk to someone and they know. I wish someone would read this and say something to me for once. Instead of pushing it off like they always do. Sigh, that can’t happen today, or tomorrow.

Nothing is easy till it is done</font.

~Sonja~