Here we are

I am obsessed with Panic’s Dying in LA at the moment. I don’t know what it is about that song. Well, that’s not entirely true, I think part of it has to do with the fact that I am chasing this writers dream with going back to school and writing. I feel really connected to that line “Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you. You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do” There is truth in it from being a dreamer and looking death in the face. It’s scary chasing your dreams. But at the same time, it’s beautiful.

I finished all my coursework for the week early. And should get the second week knocked in a few days as well if it is similar. I still haven’t figured out my other situation. I mean it’s really stupid honestly. Also being upset at someone for something outside of their control is stupid but that’s where we are. Though it was strange hearing someone else talk about a friend of theirs acting the same way and the whole time I’m thinking what a crazy bitch. Then I’m like oh snap, almost similar situation. So I’m just annoyed because there was no reaction to something I said that I thought was hilarious. But at the same time I’m annoyed because I felt we were connecting but I misread something. Which happens….when you are me…all the time.

I don’t make friends easily. I’m not lets talk about the weather. I’m lets talk big concepts, let’s talk about the ever-changing world around us and how everything is just a new creation. Lets talk about that stuff. That’s me. I really should avoid jokes. Who knows maybe they are pulling away because they’re scared. Or maybe instead of being an adult and saying I think we got our wires crossed so I could be like I’m just looking for a friend not anything more. But it is what it is right? We can’t control the way others view us or the world, and we have to just let them go. Maybe they’ll come back on their own. Maybe they won’t. Not my problem anymore. I have took my grieving over it period and am now letting it free to the world. You want to talk to me or whatever they know how to find me. And who knows maybe when they come back I’ll find out they were just confused and other things or busy. But it’s best to not worry about that.

There is beauty in everything around us and I want to share that with the world.

-Sonja