Feelings And Emotions

I have decided at this point in my life that I’m going to give up feelings and emotions. I see no point in having them at this moment. I’ve decided it best that I’m going to give them up. There’s no point if I’m going to get hurt and everything. In fact there is no point in anything anymore. But for the fact that there maybe people out there that despise me I’m going to use that as a way to go on in life.

And right in the middle of writing this entry I had a change of heart. I strangely feel better. Like somethings been lifted off my chest for so long. So I guess I’m me or something like that you know. I don’t know what to say or write. But I guess it’s all part of being a teenager in this day and age. One moment I’m all fine and happy and the next well I’m all yeah. And here I am in the middle of confusion once again. So I don’t want to be confused. I don’t want to be sometimes. But I guess that’s me. I guess that’s how it is when you’re me.

Not so sure of myself or the world around me. There is no way to be sure of a world in which you live when there is not stability to be found in that world. So here it is. Here I go on my own once again. If you know me I think you kind of know why I wrote this. Self realization is the worst thing in the world. Though sometimes I love it. Right now I hate it. I don’t want it anymore this gift that it maybe to have all these self realizations about myself. They suck seriously they do. Especially when they’re suppose to hurt but they don’t. I mean seriously for once it should of hurt and it doesn’t. Do you have any idea how horrible that is? Very because you should feel but you don’t feel that bad and that sucks. Which is just strange and wrong.

This is your last chance to turn back before it gets bad But you see I didn’t turn back I walked right into the middle of the posse and here I am still today not turning back ready to take it all head on. Not going to change for no one but myself

~Sonja~