Falling…

Today, is a day like any other day. I realized why my Senior Comp teacher Mr. Brady has no life. You know why, no because you weren’t there today. We wrote about a cheeto. A freaking cheeto people! Who writes about cheetos? Not normal people. Even though once we get it back it’s tempting to post here just for laughs. I’ve been like super sick the last month seroiusly. I’ve missed a lot of school now the fun part the making up homework oh yeah what fun. Not! I feel so alone in that building it’s not funny. I want to just disappear when I feel like this. But oh well that’s how it goes isn’t it.

I went to this cool thing one of my good friends churches was putting on tonight. It was great. He put on a very wonderful preformance. As always it was very moving. I didn’t shed a tear though, like usual anymore. I don’t cry anymore. I think I’m loosing all my feelings and fading away. The last scene with this girl like killing herself because things got so bad. I so relate. I really do. I didn’t have what happened to her happen to me. But those feelings I understand. There so hard to describe it hurts so bad. No one seems to understand that it’s a battle that you have to fight for a long time. One day it just disappears yes. But its always there lurking waiting to reappear again. That’s whats so bad about it. That it just attacks when you least expect it.

I just want to cry right now. But I can’t, I don’t know why. Maybe I forgot how. Maybe I don’t feel anymore. Maybe I’m not me. I don’t know, I really don’t. I want to scream and I want someone to hug me. That’s all ever want when I’m like this is a hug from someone. I swear I think the world can be made better by a hug. I don’t know why. Maybe its the lack of hugs from my childhood or something. Who knows. I just have this need to feel close to someone when I feel like I could just lose it any minute. No one seems to get that. No one gets me that’s the problem I’m alone and tired of everything. That’s all for tonight. Maybe more some other night.