Campfire Romance

I sat there watching him across from me and he watching me. No it wasn’t Brett but someone else. Someone I’ve felt close to for so long. The one person who I spoke of earlier who hurt me so bad. I don’t know what to do. My feelings are all a mess and I’m just here cold and alone. Brett won’t return my phone calls and the Other will answer the phone and talk to me no matter how much.

This is the guy who I have been great friends with sense my freshman year in high school. Now I’m a senior, and I still consider him a great friend. I know I haven’t had an actually meaningful conversation with him for a long time but I do know that he will always be there. When he came my heart skipped a beat. I thought maybe we might fight but no we watched each other from far away but yet so close. I wanted to move over and be like hey I’m cold can I have a hug type thing. But I couldn’t. I stayed by my good friend Kayla and hung out with her. I’m going to cry tonight. I know I am. It’s so nice to feel again. But why at this moment in time when my feelings are like a scab easy to pull back to reveal hurt feelings that if you rub the wrong way will hurt so bad. That’s how it is right now.

I want to scream and cry so bad. But he won’t hear me. He’s so far away, I lost him. That’s okay, it was nice to know he was there tonight. Have to wonder if he was there because of me or just because. He’s normal crowd of friends weren’t there. I asked him if he would come and he did come. It was nice to know he was there. It made me feel great. But now knowing that he isn’t there to lay beside me on a night like tonight to hold me and make sure I’m okay. It’s kind of scary to feel that kind of alone. I don’t want to feel that kind of alone. Not at this point in my life. I need someone there to say Sonja, I love you. Don’t worry I’ll make sure it’s okay. I’m here for you. I don’t know why I’m longing for such things but I am and it’s strange. I didn’t expect to be wanting that at this moment in my life.

I’m a senior in High School. I want to be a doctor. I have so much going for me now. A career I’ve wanted for years and great friends. What more could a girl ask for? Love, that’s all she needs now. She needs more then acceptence and wealth and cofidence. A girl needs someone to love her. Just like a guy needs someone to love him. It’s all apart of being human love. Love helps us carry on when we have nothing left to carry on for. It’s what keeps us going on for days when the world is cold and dead all around us. That’s what everyone longs for. That’s what I want, that’s what I need. And I pray to God each and every night I find that.

This is my story, this is my life, this is my diary.