Being Afraid

Being afraid, is not an easy thing to deal with. Because you go through stages in dealing with it. Because at first you don’t want to except it. You put up walls around yourself not letting anyone in. Then you move from leaving those walls up to being sad about it. Because you realized what you’ve done. Then you move to the beng in denial about it. Because you can’t deal with the fact that you’re afraid of something.

I am afraid of two things. One love, because love is fraglie and it hurts. It hurts really bad. When someone leaves you for achool, or any other reason it hurts. It hurts so bad that you don’t want to get hurt again. That you hide for months inside yourself learning to deal. Then when someone comes along and you might be willing to take a chance you don’t know how to take a chance.

The second I’m afraid of is rejection. What if someone doesn’t like me back the way I like them. That’s hard to deal with cause that puts you back in the shell. So where does that leave me back behind my walls not ready to open up. But yet I’m ready. I think I’m ready to take a chance. But I don’t know for sure. I need to take a chance with someone who is as afraid as I am. Someone who can help me grow as a person. Who can help me learn how to handle relationships. But I don’t think I know, well I do. But I don’t think they would be willing to take a chance. But I will never know till I take a chance.

Life is complicated, but with the help of friends it can at least be a little less complicated.

~Sonja~