Almost Famous

I’ve decided I’m a figment of everyone’s imgination. I am very not real. I am very not here. This is why it hurts so much in the strangeness of moments. It sucks when bad feelings hit you when no one is around. I do mean no one is around. The whole posse is up in Tipton minus Val who is up at Purdue. But you’re asking but what about O Sarah. No even O Sarah is up there in Tipton. I’m like an inch from stepping over the edge tonight.

I can’t take much more. The breakdown is coming and I can’t take it. I can’t take it. My wrists are itching for some attention. My body is aching for some drainage. It’s gotten to much to handle and the only answer I’m seeing to it all is the only one I should look away from. I knew this was going to happen when they were all away.

I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was so soon. I knew last Friday. Maybe that’s why I wanted to cry in the stands. Not only because I realized that I was alone in more ways then I had ever realized. But because I knew this was coming. This evil seed of thought that is corrupting my body was coming. How could I of known? How could I? I just want to end it quickly and painless now. I want it all over.

I want to disappear. That’s how I know I’m not real. I experience more pain then no one else. I experience so much pain that no one even knows how deep it actually runs. That how fake the smile is. How fake I am!!!!How not real I really am!!! None of them know that I’m not real. That I’m just a figment of their imgination and their just talking to air when they speak to me. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I should hold out a little longer. Maybe I should just not hold on. Maybe I should just take the knife and……………………

Lifes to short to worry about the real. Sometimes the fake and imginary hurt too

~Sonja~