Whoopsie…

Okay… Im not too sure how to start, other than splatter my constant ramblings over everyday life on this obligatory pixal canvas. Today was alright, as far as that word can apply. I mean, everything was peachy phucking keen. But now its not so. Today started as any other…I woke up…I stared at the wasteland that is my home, and sighed. I climbed from my bed and shimmied downstairs. I opened one of my new Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics, and read. ::You’re sad, little girl, so so sad…Pathetic:: CJ called at around noon. We only got to talk for a second, or so it seemed. I swear every conversation with him is as though it only lasts but a minute. We could talk for hours on end, and yet have said nothing. He’s amazing in that way…anyhow. He went to lunch, (from his loathesome job at that one place, tacking together a circuit board…oh the excitement!). I abhore our short conversations…they leave me longing to speak again. He called once he got off work, unfortunately for me, my phone ceased to work…so I received a message stating that he was going to a friends house. *blink* ::Hes leaving you? On the day he promised you’d talk…spend time together?…Evil:: *blink* So I called him back in utter urgance and spoke quite vaguely over the matter. He told me its been a few since he’d been with his friends, and that he wouldn’t be speaking with me tonight, because he’d be off with them. ::Again with the friends…why? Did he forget? He forgot, im sure…he forgot you again…its just a condition, right?:: That hurt alot. I know that he must’ve not remembered our little “date”, thus I was left to wallow in self pity for the nights pass. I was going to go to Riki’s house, but that made me a little uncomfortable. ::Why not go? He likes you doesn’t he?…You can be good…you will be good…its all for company, surely:: So I didn’t go. I love CJ…I love him loads. And being in the company of Riki sets my nerves on edge. ::You should’ve gone…all night alone and bored:: I feel better this way, I suppose. I’d rather spend the night alone, than spend the night blocking a barrage of slcik hands reaching for my most private of posessions. ::Guess it was okay you didn’t go…but you know you wanted to…you love the attention…don’t deny it, little girl…:: Anyhow, when I reminded CJ of our little preplanned fiasco…he got very upset. Im sure it was the guilt. ::Guilty? Perhaps….:: I don’t like hwne he’s upset. I live in fear that when he’s upset, he’s going to leave me. ::And he just might, sweetie…he just might:: I don’t want to lose him. He means the absolute world to me. I couldn’t be happy without him, he makes me whole. He makes me feel alive… ::I could change that for you…:: I am so IN love, and its been so long…so so long… I’ve never been happier than to have him in my life. But who wouldn’t be? He’s amazing, perfect, sweet, sensual…he’s everything. ::You’re a sap…a stupid little sap:: I feel so guilty when he’s upset. And I feel even more guilty when its ME that makes him upset. I don’t want CJ to hurt, and I especially don’t want to be the one that hurts him. ::Again with that guilt shhit. Pestulant little freak…:: But he knows I love him, and I would do anything for him. Anything.. ::And for me?…::