I am a fighter

I was born Nov. 2 but I almost wasn’t now what I am about to say isn’t in any way to shame my mother or paint her in a bad light its just facts surrounding my birth. I was an oops I wasn’t planed at all my was 38 and thought that having another kid was out the question. She was very high risk and the doctors didn’t think me or her would survive the birth so they suggested that she get an abortion. I know abortion is a touchy subject and here are my thoughts on it I am pro-choice it should the the woman’s choice for any reason it should be an option for them period! Yes my mom thought about and I don’t blame her one bit she all ready have two kids my dad was in the Army and was away a lot and with the chances of her dying during birth and me as well she had to think about my brother and sister as well. Like what would happen to them if she died who would take care of them. Now not to paint my dad in a bad light but he wasn’t father of the year by any means he loved us kids he wasn’t the type of dad that would get on the floor and play with us or toss a baseball with us. He provided for us I think it was because his father left his mother when he was young and he never saw him again and the other so called step dads he had where drunks and abusive so he never learned how to be a father.
My moms friend talked her out of the abortion so I saw born and no it wasn’t a easy go of it either we both almost died. I was born 5 weeks early and couldn’t breath on my own. I was so small that I had to wear cabbage patch doll diapers I was so tiny. Then I developed an infection so they gave me penicillin turned out I was allergic to it and that almost killed me.

I have always been on the small side and still am but it made me a prime target for being teased and picked on. I got called anorexic all the time or was beat up on so I learned how to take up for my self either with a sharp tongue or with my fists. I was always in trouble in school for fighting but when a boy 2 times my size decided to kick me in the breast bone with cow boots on I am not going to let the bastard get away with it so I punched him in the face bloodied his nose. I was the only one go in trouble and that just pissed me off more.
My sister is only three years older than me so that meant she had to take me everywhere with her. She hated it she just wanted to hang out with her friends without me around. So I never really felt that I was wanted around now I was an easy kid to get along with I took to much to heart and if anyone was mean to me or made me mad I would pull their hair or bite them. So one time my parents and their friend who had three kids a little older than us kids but close enough to our ages left us in the care of the oldest who was in her teens while they went shopping. I ended up being tied up with a jump rope a Ken doll head shoved in my mouth and put in a closet. I can’t remember how long I was in there but it had an effect on me to this day I don’t like enclosed spaces.

My sister was close to the middle child of the family friend and once we where exploring the woods behind our house now it was like a forest or big woods by any means if you walked north for a bit you would come to a road or if you walked south for a bit you would end up at the farm not far from our house so its not like we could really get lost if we thought about it. Yes we could have gotten hurt in many ways either by a snake bite or broken bones or twisted or sprained ankle, but we where young and didn’t think of those things we were just having fun exploring.  They decided that it would be funny to take off and leave me alone in these woods. Now I was only 8 years old so I panicked I didn’t take time to think to get my bearings of were I was or to think what my next actions would be. I was scared I just sat were they left me and cried. They finally came back to get me after about an hour or so. To this day if get lost or my bearings off I turn back into that little 8 yr me and panic so I have to calm my self to make my think. My anxiety gets real high and I get irritated and easily frustrated some times have panic attacks. It is odd how things from our childhood can effect you as an adult like everyone making fun of how I looked and calling me ugly as a child and as an teen and into adulthood I have poor self image things I am trying to work on.
sorry for the long post but this had been therapeutic in a since just to get it all out.