once a parent, always a parent *more*

My eldest daughter exhausts me.

Thankfully, her current issues aren’t hugely stressful for me:

* there’s the apartment thing (the landlord refuses to reimburse them, they’ve lodged a formal complaint and are going to break their lease but hardly any landlords will take dogs and, of course, they went and got their dog last year (even though my advice was “don’t do it until you’re a bit more settled”) so they may end up homeless. Their car is a little Ford Fiesta – I don’t think they’ll be comfortable living in it.

* of course, she is ALWAYS short of money. So far during January I’ve ‘loaned’ her $950 for tuition for her final culinary course, $450 for the hotel rental, $1,000 for her glasses/orthotics/dentist appointments. She will be reimbursed for each of them (well, I guess the hotel bill is kind of iffy) and I’ve stressed to her that when she is, the money has to be returned to me because all of it represents DEBT for me. I also felt compelled warn her that the well is running dry

* then there’s the job thing – she hates her job. Absolutely hates it. So, every day on her way home from work she calls to tell me everything that her boss did that pissed her off. Now that it’s slow season, they’ve cut her hours back so some weeks she is working only 20 hours (making just over minimum wage). Unless she works 40 hours, she doesn’t make enough to cover her commitments. Today she complained that the chef doesn’t know how to schedule – some weeks she has 40 hours, others she has 20. I mentioned that she needs to learn how to BUDGET and to put some aside from her BIG cheques to cover the little cheques. She doesn’t. She’s just like her father – if you have it, spend it (well, maybe her mother is a bit like that too …)

* She had an interview at Starbucks (on Wednesday) for a part-time job and is pretty optimistic she’ll get called back. That one IS minimum wage. And, she’s applied for another full-time job (on Monday), crappy money but a good opportunity

* Her second call last evening was to tell me she’s decided to completely change gears. She doesn’t want the other full-time job but has another plan that will take her to a remote area – money is good and she’ll be completely out of debt in two years, but the situation isn’t ideal. I guess I didn’t react well and she said “you sound like you don’t approve”. Well, since she didn’t call for my approval it doesn’t matter. I basically told her that I find it difficult to keep up with what she’s doing since it changes moment to moment. I didn’t say “please stop telling me every time you do something” because I really don’t want her to stop talking to me. I guess what I would prefer is a little less detail. I like that she and I have positive conversations now (there was a while that we didn’t!) and I really don’t want to discourage her from calling. But holy crap. Do we have to have two or three conversations each day?

I guess she balances her brother who, for the most part, seems to have forgotten that he has a mother.

Erin’s right in the middle. We text regularly and talk on the phone every now and again. She tells me when things are good or not so good, but it isn’t a constant emotional roller coaster the way Lara is.

I’m not really complaining. I’m very happy that she wants my opinion on things. At some point, though, she needs to start making some decisions without coming to me first. And, I’m glad she comes to me to vent. I just wish it wasn’t so much.

Really I’m not.

* * * * *

Now that I’ve started cooking my meals again, I’m having quite a bit of fun choosing recipes.

One of the pages I like on Facebook is called ‘Elegant Foods and Desserts’. I’ve tried a couple of the recipes they’ve posted and they were really good.

Each weekend, I look for new recipes to try, then I make my menu and grocery list … then I head out and do my groceries. Besides the whole eating better aspect, it really is a good way to cut costs.

I used to do that when the kids were little and we were on a very tight budget. It was a pretty good system, and one I recommend to anyone who is trying to cut costs. Even now, I really can’t go to the grocery store without a list – otherwise, I just wander around aimlessly. And, if I actually SHOP without a list, I know I’m going to be spending way more than I need to.

The one thing that I’m realizing is that I am planning for just one person and not five. So, really, planning a different meal each day is too much because most recipes (even when I cut them back) are lasting me two days. Unfortunately, this occurred to me after I did last weeks shopping … so my freezer is pretty full of meat (which isn’t a concern) and my crisper is full of veggies (which is).

Wednesday, I tried a new recipe I found on another site – very simple, but mmm-mmm tasty! Mix mayonnaise with shredded parmesan, garlic and S + P. Then coat a boneless chicken breast and bake. I threw a couple potatoes in the pan with the chicken and then just cooked up some string beans. I really enjoyed it …

Unfortunately, somewhere around 5 a.m. I woke up with a very upset tummy. I really don’t think it was my meal – more I had a bit of a bug.

At least, I’m really hoping it wasn’t my meal because that chicken breast came from a package of four and there are still three in my freezer.

Anyway – I just felt cruddy and, honestly, my motivation at work this week was less than high so I decided to stay home. I probably could have gone in because I wasn’t really sick, just had an upset tummy and the potential of other … well … unpleasant symptoms.

I ended up going in to the office early to send out an e-mail to notify eveyone that I wouldn’t be in, set up my e-mail autoresponder and change my voicemail message, and I packed up my laptop because I have a bunch of time consuming stuff that must be done by Monday.

I was home before anyone else got to work!

But, instead of working, I basically slept the day away.

I still had residual ‘blahs’ yesterday, but went in to work. Didn’t get enough done so brought home the laptop and hopefully will get motivated enough to work on a few things this weekend.

I’m not quite there yet.

Luckily, I do feel better so should be able to get my house picked up, hopefully work on one of the home projects that I want to start (how likely is that?) and will be able to spend a few hours tonight or tomorrow doing work work.

* * * * *

Took one of the kitties in for her annual check up. Showed the vet the spot on her back that she has been licking. She (the vet) did a bit of investigating and discovered that Little One’s anal glands were full and needed to be expressed.

So, now two out of three of my animals have anal gland problems.

I didn’t know that happened to cats too!

Buddy has his check up on the 4th. Hopefully he won’t have the same problem. It’s pretty gross …

* * * * *

Life is a carnival, isn’t it!

* I WISH YOU WELL! *

**today’s update**

so, they went and saw a new apartment today. The rental agent said they’d have to check with the current landlord, so Lara told them the whole story about why they want to move. The rental person said that they don’t really put a lot of stock in what the current landlord says anyway, it’s just a formality.

Let’s hope so.<P

>

Honestly. We’re dealing with inexperienced kids here who are being jerked around by people who have a lot of experience jerking people around. She forwarded an e-mail that they got from the current landlord. She and Dan thought it was totally incriminating … I see something that is well crafted and supports the landlord’s case. At this point, it is the kids’ word against the landlord about whether or not their apartment was habitable. Hopefully their pictures will be adequate.

Dan wants to respond to the recent e-mail. My advice was to just STOP all communication. They’re risking saying something that they should not say.

Dan wants to speak to the resident maintenance person about breaking the lease. My advice was NO – she is an employee of the landlord and is not a friend to the kids.

To move into this new place, they have to break the lease. They have to give 30 days notice and must pay $975 (a month’s rent). If they get this new place, they will move on March 1. That means they need to give notice at the current place on Tuesday or Wednesday. If they don’t hear back from the new place before Wednesday, they can’t give their notice. If they give notice after Wednesday, they would have to pay TWO months rent ($1,950). The deposit on the new place is $1,025 (guess who is probably going to be covering that!) Note that neither one of them has any money – Lara at least is up to her eyeballs in debt. I suspect Dan is in a similar situation. The difference here is that Dan’s parents actually have money. I do wish he felt as comfortable about hitting up his parents as Lara does!

This can play out in a few ways …

best case: the tenant board sides with them, their expenses are reimbursed (and I’ll get my $400 for the hotel room back) and they will be allowed to break the lease without any penalty

next best case: the tenant board sides with the landlord re the expenses and they have to go through their insurance BUT lets them break the lease with no penalty

semi-worst case: the tenant board sides with the landlord and they don’t get reimbursed for their expenses and are required to pay the one month penalty for breaking the lease

three-quarter worst case: the tenant board sides with the landlord and they don’t get reimbursed for their expenses and are required to pay TWO months’ penalty becase they don’t get their notice in within 30 days

absolutely worst case: they don’t get this new apartment … the tenant board sides with the landlord who then decides to terminate the lease leaving the kids with no where to live.

All but the absolutely worst case are tolerable.

Not sure what will happen if that last one is the ultimate solution. I don’t think she’s thought about that possibility. She’s just worried about penalties.

Meh – what will be will be.

Blagh.