kids and money

Erin told me the other day that she expects she’ll come home to live for a year or two – she’ll get a job around here and expects I’ll let her stay here rent free.

I told her I’d make that decision once I saw:

* how much money she was making

* how much my expenses go up – she won’t be happy living here during the winter when I keep the temperature so low; she’ll be flushing and showering and washing clothes; she’ll be eating … you know. She’ll be doing all the normal things which, for the last two year, I haven’t had to pay for her to do

* what she is doing with her money – if she’s wasting it, then it is going to come to me for rent (and, surprise, I’m not one of those parents who will put it into a bank account to be handed over when she moves!!)

She understood and was fine with my conditions.

I asked if she was breaking up with her b/f but she said no. She’s been talking about going to university next year but realizes those plans probably aren’t the best. She would just accumulate more student loan debt to get towards a degree she isn’t sure she’d be able to finish. She’s a bright kid, but is finding the stress of her college sales and marketing course too much. She’s beginning to think she wouldn’t be able to handle more demanding courses. … and, honestly, her decision to get a PhD in Criminal Psychology was based on her love of CSI and Criminal Minds. I’m glad she realized that before taking on thousands of dollars in debt.

She has been looking for work on the various job sites. The region where she lives with her b/f has been hit hard over the years. They have not recovered from the recession particularly well (driving downtown there is really sad …). But, around here we seem to be doing better. So, she thinks she’ll have better luck. B/F has another 2 years for his degree so needs to stay there. She’ll stay here and save her money so when he’s done they’ll be able to ride off into the sunset together (they’re talking about moving to LA so definitely would need to have some money in the bank!!)

We’ll see what happens there. LDRs aren’t that easy. And I’m pretty cheap with my car and won’t be lending it to her to go visit very often …

The other day I went to lunch with my friend at work.

She’s the one whose two daughters (22 and 20) have never had to work … the one drives a BMW SUV … they bought her a condo in an exclusive building … they bought a townhouse for their other daughter, but at least they rent out the other bedrooms. The older one (with the BMW) is a bit of a princess … designer clothes, shoes, sunglasses, jewellery. You know. She wanted to go to San Francisco during study break but her friend who she wanted to go with ended up having to bail … so her mother went with her.

Her mom has a bit of a different attitude then I do. Yes, I’m sure her daughter was disappointed – but, disappointments are part of life. I would commiserate with my kid, but I sure wouldn’t hop on a plane and take her friend’s place.

I’m mean like that …

… anyway …

I was telling her about Erin’s newest plan (it changes frequently – the joy of being 21) and my conditions on whether or not she would have to pay rent.

My friend was pretty adamant that Erin should have to pay rent! “That’s the real world!!”

Ummmm … yeah, it is MY real world, but definitely not the one you share with your children!!

Erin has been working almost full-time hours while going to school.

Lara always had a full-time job while going to school … and now she usually has a full-time and a part-time job. She has a lot of bills to pay (student loan, car payments, insurance, rent). I have helped her at various times … and am hopefully that she will pay me back part of what she owes me!

Will has had jobs during his studies, but this year wanted to focus on his marks so I have been supplementing him a bit. He’s the only one who I’ve given money to on a regular basis, but it has only been since last fall and we’ve stopped now. He has always taken at least 2 courses during the summer.

I’m not really comparing our kids and what they’ve accomplished, but I do get annoyed when she offers advice about my children and how they need to pay their own way while hers are handed EVERYTHING!

Parents are paying for their schooling … so no student loans.

Parents pay for their housing … plus groceries … plus clothing … plus trips … plus cars (BMWs!!!) … plus spending money …

NO JOBS!! Not even summer jobs!

And, even with no jobs, her eldest had to drop out of an on-line summer course because she couldn’t handle it.

Although my friend is pretty free with her advice about my kids, I don’t say anything about hers.

It would not be well received.

And, really – I don’t care.

I think my kids are much better prepared for the ‘real world’ and don’t think, even if I had the money, that any of them would be driving a BMW that I bought.

That’s just not how I roll.

It does bother me that she showed an attitude about my kid asking to live with me rent free …

I know better than to talk to her about these types of things. She’s criticized my children before (like when Lara was having trouble making her car payments a couple years ago – I suggested I would trade with her – she’d get the Cobalt which was paid for and I would get the Fiesta and take over the car payments.)

“That’s a sweet deal for Lara” she said … with tone.

I just looked at her.

I dunno – me, trading a older model Chevy Cobalt with high mileage for Lara’s new Fiesta … vs her handing her kid a BMW SUV (and paying all related expenses). The Cobalt deal just doesn’t sound that sweet to me.

Funny how our perspective can be skewed sometimes.

* I WISH YOU WELL! *