09/08/2013

I hope this site doesn’t go down forever. It would be a huge loss … I’d miss you guys. I have tried the other two places where some of my favs go to write, but they don’t have the same sense of community (or at least I wasn’t able to find it!)

Speaking of community … my new chair and a half was delivered yesterday. It is wonderful. Really, really wonderful. I am sitting here being cuddled by a dog and a cat (my real-life community) … and I’m not having to realign my body like some contortionist trying to fit into a super-small box. I believe it was a good buy!

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I’ve been looking at juicers this weekend – also think that getting one of them would be a good buy! But, I’ll postpone that purchase until after Will and Nao’s visit … having the kids home always costs me a few $$. Money well spent, but spent nonetheless! We’ll eat sushi and go to the butterfly conservatory. Their grandmother will be in the neighbourhood and so will their dad, so they’ll be meeting up with them one day. I hope that my ex plans to come and pick-up Will and Nao because I’m not particularly thrilled at the prospect of lending them my car to drive to where Grandma is … it’s a relatively big city that is really hard to drive in. Will doesn’t have much experience driving. I suppose if it is necessary I will agree to it, but it is definitely not something I’m going to suggest.

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I was talking to my big sis Maggie last evening. I mentioned applying for the new job (haven’t heard back … I figure if they don’t call by Wednesday I’m outta luck!) She told me she doesn’t think I should be looking for a new job because the one I have now is so great.

And, definitely – certain aspects of it are! The area where I struggle most is how both Boss and his wife (or whatever she is) confide in me and tell me things. Especially his wife (or whatever she is) … I know personal stuff about boss that an employee should not know.

Troublesome stuff.

Stuff that I cannot tell anyone … not even you guys!

Stuff that has caused irreparable damage to how I feel about him … and, when you take that and mix in some of the office nonsense he is involved in, you get an employee who is becoming more and more unhappy and disengaged from her job.

Maggie said “Can’t you just compartmentalize what they tell you?”

I’ve been doing that for SIX years! My compartments are overflowing! I’ve reached my breaking point.

I wish people would trust that I usually have legitimate reasons for the things I do. I’m not particularly impulsive, especially when it comes to big changes like this.

And I don’t usually make major decisions without having tried to make the situation work.

While it’s possible to maintain some jobs while really not caring, that isn’t the case here. I don’t think anyone understands the demands that Boss’ wife (or whatever she is) puts on me. It wouldn’t be possible to maintain that intense relationship if I am totally disconnected from the company. And, if I don’t have that intense relationship, the job will be intolerable because she will be on a ‘witch hunt’ (yes, she uses that term) and scrutinizing everything I do. This has happened to me in the past, it isn’t fun and I don’t think I’d survive another episode.

It is impossible to explain the dynamic of that office.

One of the reasons I’ve been successful there is because “I care” … I’ve worked hard, but it’s my personal investment in the company that has gotten me to where I am.

And that is being chipped away.

Very, very quickly.

Sigh.

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Must take a shower and do some running around!

* I WISH YOU WELL! *