I am made of scars

I got my charges (March 15th) from dangerous driving to careless driving which is a BIG ass deal (no longer a criminal charge it is a traffic ticket whatever) and of course my mother grills me (ON THE DAY OF finding out) and says its not good enough, nothing is ever good enough for you is it mother?, and that I need another job so I end up with less of a life that I already have (I am stuck with money right now and I got to move with my sister at the end of April and my mom is going to take my animals till I get my own place again) She grills me till I cry on the phone and then tells me “I don’t wanna keep your animals long and your sister won’t want you living there long” THANKS SO FUKEN MUCH for making me feels like MORE shit when I had the worst day FUCKEN ever. They OFFERED to help me out I NEVER asked them. So grilling me like this is BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like a god dam burden to my own family and everyone around me. Worthless! I am trying so god dam hard to fix shit. I no I messed up a lot in my life but dam I have tried to make the better of things and suffered on the way. I work my ass off and take god dam care of my 3 cats and dog. I am staying away from drinking and drugs. I still drink but once in a blue moon and its only like 1 or 2 when I do. Also I am now going to therapy for my benefit to work my shit out as well. So fuck of!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blah. Whatever I feel like shit. Well I have been hanging out with Paul and talking everyday on the phone. I took him out a couple of times. The best night was when I took him to the movies then out to the pickle barrel where I bought a bottle of wine and muscles. We are not together but we both want to be. We are just working on our things with out getting into anything yet. I have been treating him great and have done nothing but spoil him since we have broken up. I love him to pieces and I really hope I am not wasting my time thinking he will take me back and then doesn’t. It would break my heart more then the break up its self. I am working hard this time. I no what’s really important to me now and I will work hard to make it work this time. I just wanna be happy and make Paul happy. There’s no one in this earth I would rather be with then him. My heart is only open for one person and that’s how it should be. I hope he sees that I am worth it. I just love spending time with him and just watch him smile. I can’t wait to get out of this apartment…Fucken hate how I got stuck up here in butt fuck town. I can’t wait to be near my nephew Joshua. Make a big difference on my happiness lately, so will having Paul back, I miss hearing him say he loves me. Well I better get back to cleaning. Ciao.
 
-I am made or scars-
 
Amy Nicole Ashley