Firsts

So tomorrow is the first day of classes this semester.  Admittedly, this semester should be a breeze and I have no excuse not to do well.  Every class I am taking is a class I’ve either taken before or partially taken.  I can thank the advisory committee for that opportunity.  It feels great having had such a productive and enjoyable summer.  Now I have a chance to jump even further into the expectations I have for myself.  I have a lot of work to do in order to get myself back to the old "me"… and even improve upon that. 

I have been excited for a couple weeks now for classes to start.  My teachers in the Geography department are going to be using me as a bit of a teaching aid.  Obviously, since I’ve taken some of these courses before, I have a lot of before-hand knolwedge of the materials, so I can certainly help with students who need any assistance. 

Living with Laura so far has been an extremely pleasant experience.  It’s really fun living with someone who can be as goofy as I am.  We’ve been fortunate to get some pretty nice things for the apartment as well.  My old neighbors in St. Louis moved to Colorado and had some furniture they wanted me to have, so they dropped it off on their way through Columbia.  They’ve had it sitting around for almost a year now because their moving plans have stalled time and time again.  I must say, their move came at a rather convenient time.  I had brought up a couch from my parent’s, but, I just freecycled it.  It was a mighty comfortable couch, but I’m sure someone else will give it a happy home. 

My job this summer has been a blast.  Right now we’re compiling our data into set databases so we can develop some GIS models.  I’m really looking forward to the compiling and I’ve been taking some online courses about GIS layout and theory.  The grant money I received from the DNR has helped me get a few other things for the apartment.  I’ve gotten HEAVILY into diagnosing and repairing electronics, and I’ve fixed up a few LCDs for the apartment.  It’s been dirt cheap so it hasn’t set me back much at all.  Also, unfortunately, my computer finally bit the dust.  I’d been running it so hard lately with all of the spatial analysis programming I’ve been doing that it just gave up working properly.  I tried reviving it with some more memory, but it seems to have made its peace with G-d.  Oh well… the one I’ve put together is handling things nicely.  I had built a freaking expensive computer a few months back (long story), but this one was a fraction of the cost… because honestly, I don’t need to go overboard on components.  I just get what I need.  The department’s stipends and grant money have served me well, and I’ve sent quite a bit off to uncle sam to pay for some incurred debts as I’m sure most of you college goers can attest to.  =0P 

As great as the summer’s been, I can’t seem to get rid of the gap I’ve felt ever since the beginning of May.  I lost a good friend… who happens to be a good friend of Laura’s, and I’ve just been hoping above all things that somehow, someday it might get back to normal.  I remember Laura asking me a few days ago if I would be happy just being friends considering we’d dated on and off for almost 4 years (not Laura, silly)… and I can’t even begin to tell her how much that would mean to me.  Any kind of relationship past being friends simply isn’t an option.  It’s just not going to work like that ever again.  I used to say I could see myself in a relationship with her, but honestly, the fact remains that I’m not the kind of person she would be happy with long-term… and for that reason, I can’t honestly say I’d be happy myself.  It’s just not worth it if it isn’t mutual.  G-d how I miss having that friend in my life.  It’s not like I can’t move on and be happy, but you just don’t want to forget and let go of those friends who meant so much to you and really just put so much on the line for you.  It’s just so horridly disgusting how I could have taken advantage of such a wonderful friend. 

Anyways… it’s been a great transitionary time for me this summer.  I’ve made some new friends, and I’ve seen some distance themselves… but I can’t and won’t ever let go of those memories that made me so happy.  It’s just a miserable way to live if you can’t hold on to what was important in the past.