Things are looking better.

It is amazing how fast things can change. Not that my bf and I are "totally" together… yet. But things are looking much better, hopeful actually.

On Thursday, (10/17) I texted him and asked him if he could bring a list of things to talk about. (We had agreed that he would be coming down that Thurs) and that I would make a list of things to discuss as well.

By the end of the day, I had listed 16 things that we needed to address!

He got here around 4pm and we sat down to talk. I was soooo scared to talk to him! I am not good at confrontation, and I was shaking in my shoes.

Some of the most important topics were:

1. The fact that he is on MY phone line and he uses his phone to talk/flirt and date other women was very unfair and selfish. I told him he needed to either separate the accounts (he takes on responsibility for his own line) OR go get a phone at Boost Mobile or something…because he could no longer use the phone.

He agreed after I explained my reasoning. And he said he could just go without a phone if needed because he just can’t afford it right now. I told him to give me a timeline then – he said December…? I said, "so then I need to sit back, and essentially WATCH you talk to other women…? No.

2. I explained my reasons why I did what I did. However stupid it was, I was screaming in pain with our relationship, and it was all I knew how to do. Typically, we have broken up before, never this painful though. Once we even went 6 months, but it was not as painful as this time. He agreed. I told him, this time it went way to far, and I was very sorry. That’s all I could say, as what was done… was done. However stupid it was.

3. I told him that, I was unsure about him still being called Grampy when we were no longer together. (I have a grandson) I thought, should he get a gf, how awkward would it be for my grandson to be spending time with him and I as a "family" when we no longer were one. And I also was not sure if my son would want him calling him grampy…

Those were the big issues I wanted to express. And he had some too. He didn’t write them down though. And I did understand why he did what he did. I pushed him away, and he agreed when I pushed, he pulled back and pulled himself further away from me.

We agreed that when we were a "couple" we still behaved like we were single… Which was wrong. We are both wrong. And we are both VERY selfish. That cannot happen any longer.

I told him I needed to start acting like a better girlfriend, and start to have fun. Cook for him once in a while, etc…

I really never did those things. He would bring his own food and I would eat mine…  I blamed it on the fact that he eats crap, and I eat clean.

That is stupid, cause he does pretty much eat anything…And if I made him something, I’m sure he would eat it.

I told him that I was so very afraid to be "myself" around him that I was totally reserved all the time. I don’t know why I was and am like that. But I wanted him to see "Me" all my quirks and goofy behaviors!

I am actually a really funny lady!

We talked about counseling, and why it was really not good to date others. And I told him that unless I gave him 100% of my effort and he gave me 100% that I was going to walk away and let him date others.

I told him that I was not 100% sure that I would be there waiting for him.

In the end, I asked him point blank if he wanted to be with me in the end. And he said yes.

So, to me – that says this relationship is worth saving.