The slow healing process….

Well, all is quiet on the home front I guess.

My bf came down Saturday to see my grandson & hang out with me. It was nice, not too stressed. I felt a bit of tension – but not a huge amount, so it was doable.

We had a good time making pizza, trying to get my grandson to do it was funny. He finally decided to help, and it was fun. I think the pizza was pretty basic…. not all that tasty, lol…. but it was the bonding that counts! Both between me and my bf as well!

After we ate, I let my grandson & bf play cars together. My bf has not seen him in like three weeks, and I can tell they missed each other a lot.

At 8pm it was bedtime so I put my grandson to bed and then my bf and I sat down to watch a scary movie – which really was not scary at all.

I did not make any advances at him, only sat next to him and snuggled. After the movie my daughter & her gf came home so we all talked a bit while she cooked.

It was nice & he left around 11:30pm.

He did tell me earlier in the day that the douchebag "girl" had texted him earlier in the day… He said he texted her back to tell her he would try & text the next day. He said he told me cause he promised he would be honest with me and I told him thank you. I also told him today that I was trying to trust him and I had not checked my phone bill – yet….

Of course I did. lol.

They texted a few times, maybe 5 each when he was here yesterday. But, so far he has not texted her at all today – that I can see. And he told me that today he had not texted her. So that is a plus.

In a small way, I almost feel bad. Not really.

He does not really want me being too flirty with him or anything though. That kinda makes me sad. I am trying to be more of my old self, and also to compliment him more.. He said that he is afraid that we will go back to our same ways.. I guess he is right. Maybe I should not try to be too nice and mushy all at once..

We are "not there yet" but we are taking the necessary steps he said…

I just want to trust him, but it is so hard. I wish I had another male to share my thoughts with so I can try to understand him more?

It drives me crazy cause he "says" he does not get jealous or any of that. And then he tells me its not good for me to be that way!

WTF…? If he does not "feel" jealousy, then he can’t know how I feel…

I know he was once, a long time ago. Makes me sad that he isn’t now. I just want to be that girl that he loves… he said he still loved me, so at least that is a start.

I just hope, that in time we can have all that back again.