Sad endings

Today,

My heart bleeds.

It has been a pretty rough day for me. I have 8 elastics around my wrist, and each time I *think* about him with another girl, I snap em. I guess it helps a little. I have definitely been thinking about it less. And I have red marks all over my wrist because I try to snap it as hard as I can.

I miss him. Despite the fact that I wanted to break up with him. I only did it because historically, it has been the ONLY time that he actually listened to me.

Now, after ten years it is for good. We didn’t even have a great relationship! So, why is my mind forgetting all the bad crap that happened?

Why do I STILL feel like I would take him back even after all this crap that has happened?

Because I love him, despite all that he has done.