(Entry 8) 3 things you must say to your teen

In the last-to-the-last entry, we talked on 3 things parents should NOT say to their teenager.

Today, we are talking the opposite. Why? Because i have a teenage kid and living with a teenager has its perks and un-perks. So, let’s begin.

1. i see you.
2. Say YES more often.
3. You are doing amazing!

1. i see you.

This is not to prove that you have eyes but to make your teen feel that you have the vision – vision to see his/her efforts, hard work, dedication and passion.

Our teens believe that whatever they do, parents do not see them. Teens believe that no matter how hard working they are, it will never be enough for Mommy or Dad.

As a parent, if i have learned anything over years of trials and attempts, i can firmly attest that seeing my kid’s efforts, hard work, dedication and passion helps strengthen the bond between us. When my teen feels his mother sees him, he feels comfortable in his own skin and gets charged to achieve dreams and goals.

2. Say YES more often.

Do you know that we say NO more to our children than Yes? It’s a worldwide research and if you happen to be a parent, you will agree on this. Why do we do that?

Why do we parents fail to say YES? Because we believe that our teens cannot do things right. They do not know to greet the guests. They have no idea how to cook. They have never loaded the laundry into the machine. They do not know how to supervise the younger brother/sister.

Do you see the pattern? We basically assume our teens to be irresponsible. We barely notice what they CAN DO. They can give pills to the sick grandma. They attend the postman. They help organize the house. They teach Maths to the sibling. They offer to make tea/coffee. They put the TV remote back on its place. Yes. Small things matter when it comes to Family First thing.

Assumptions do more harm than good. Instead, look at their positive traits and practice saying YES more.

3. You are doing amazing!

It is important to see our teens but it is also equally important to let them know that they are doing amazing!

It does not come easy though. As adults, we naturally set high expectations. Score better. Draw finer. Cook healthier. Drive slower. Eat quietly. Behave gently. Talk politely. Walk straight. Chin high. Be more confident.

Why we cannot appreciate our teens for what they bring to the table? Why, for once, can we not shatter the wall of our stupid unrealistic expectations and let our teen shine?

Trendy hair cut. Keeping abreast with latest gadgets. Volunteering. Taking the hurt street puppy to the doctor. Joining the candle march. Raising voice for the right things. The unique perspectives. Saying things the way they are.  Making mistakes. Learning from mistakes. Being authentic. The messy bedroom. Taking days as they come. Jumping with joy. Drowning in grief. Reflecting the smile/courtesy.

Our teens have SO many things to offer. It is us who fail to see and appreciate them. Not their fault!

From now on, every time your teen putting effort into doing something, even if the result is not what you had expected, say it nonetheless – You. Are. Doing. AMAZING!

Do it genuinely. Bring the words from the place of love and affection – The heart. Say it like you mean it.

Well, this is it for today. As parents/guardian/caregiver, we are still students to the thing called parenting. Let’s keep learning from trials and errors. Let our teens feel that we acknowledge their efforts, that they can do anything and that they are doing amazing while they are at it.

As a parent, what do you say to your kid that helps boost the bond between you two?