2009 was the year my dreams came to reality

I am 37 years old and had come to a point where I was content but not whole.  Three years ago I gave birth to a little boy and was single and very alone.  However the thought of being alone no longer scared me or worried me.  I had come to a point in my life where I was happy and a mother.  I became more cautious about who I let in my life and my son was my priority.  I had a good solid job and could support my son and myself.  These were things I didn’t think I could do just a few years before.  

Getting divorced and taking the steps to leave my ex husband was SCARY and difficult.  I kept trying to wait for the perfect time to up and leave.  Aren’t we always waiting for the right time and for things to be in place?  I nearly waited too late.  I was ready to leave John and had plans in motion for it to happen but was waiting.  I did have health issues to think about and had just been raped.  I had what many would say were legit reasons to wait but I should not have.  I knew I should have up and left over ago when I was grabbed by the throat and the back of my head smacked the wall of my laundry room.  As his hands constricted around my throat and I couldn’t breathe, I felt certain I was not going to make it and prayed to God I would.  John had gone too far and his temper was raging more then ever before. 

After awhile I came to and crawled over to the front door and the police were pounding to come in.  A neighbor had called the police.  I knew I was going to be ok and knew I could never ever stay in that marriage.  I knew deep down that I wouldn’t have been so lucky next time if I stayed.  I found a phone since John had hid them or taken the others with him and tried to call my family and friends for help.  I didn’t want to stay in the house alone and John had also taken my keys so I couldn’t get in my car and go away.  thankfully my parents did show up and that is the day I knew I could no longer wait, make excuses or rationalize staying married to John.

I wasn’t eager to get into a relationship again.  I was guarded and yet I still dated and although, the guys were better men the John, they were losers.  Being alone and pregnant was scary but I was determined to be the best mother I could be for my son.

Needless to say when I came back from maternity leave, I met Nathan at work.  We both were friends with another co-worker and got to know each other better.  I hadn’t expected on falling in love.  I wasn’t looking for love.  I know Nathan wasn’t either nor did he want to be a father.

Funny how things change your heart and mind.  In the spring of this year Nathan and i became engaged.   He was and is in every way, my son Kyle’s father.  I had a family and love was and still is strong between us.  Nathan is a man whom would never raise his voice nor strike me.  He loves me and respects me.  I know I have no reason to fear him.  He would never hurt my son nor myself.  He doesn’t make excuses for his short comings or place all the blame on me when things go wrong.  I am so not use to this but it is nice.

So this year unexpectedly, the dream of a happy marriage and a loving family came to reality.  I thank God for giving me a second chance and such a loving good husband and a beautiful little boy.  If anything, I hope others gain the strength within them to make changes in their lives for the better and before it is too late.