What’s Up With Me Tonight?

I don’t know what’s up with me, I’m seeing Spike tomorrow. I should be psyched, but all I can think about is the whole TARBA thing. I’m going to take it to court. I’m also going to speak to the Tax people about it. I also need to find my Contract from there.

My attention’s always somewhere else.

I went to Family Planning.
NOT PREGNANT.
Which is a good, she gave me 3 months supply of Cerazette. Which is good. I’m keeping it on the bathroom sink, then I remember to take it.
So for now I’m on the injection and the pill.
Then the injection runs out in 10 days.
GOOD.
Then I’m just on the pill, but it’s nice to know my ass is covered, especially considering Spikes situation. I wonder though, IF I did get pregnant  by him I wonder what he would do then, who would he stand by? Then he would have two kids, two mums, and he only stayed with Jerry because of Tom after all, so would he stay there and be the Family Man, would he leave Jerry for me to be there for our child?
I wonder. Not that I’m ever intending on finding out.

Babies are not on the grand plan.

I know it’s a sweeping generalisation but still…
you have no idea how fucked over I feel.
I honestly feel like I have few options left open to me.

• Prostitution.
• Get another jobs and get screwed on second income tax.
• Move back with Ma.
• Struggle.

So it looks like I’m going to choose to….
STRUGGLE.
I love my job,
but I need more hours, I need more money.

I’m just so fed of always having to struggle.
If she’d chuck him out, I’ll probably wind up back at Ma’s, maybe. She’s never been there for me yet, why change the habit of a lifetime when there’s a man making her miserable.