Is It Me?

Lately , this past week, she’s been acting strange.When she came back from her week away with D.K & Jones, I asked her if anything had happened with D.K and she said no and I told her that I knew that deep down but I just needed reassuring. However she surprised me by asking me what I had been up to, I asked her what she meant and she told me that she felt that I had cheated on her while she was away. I told her (honestly) that nothing had happened with me & anyone as I love her and that in my eyes no-one can hold a light to her. This is the truth. I do love her. I do think that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I do want to spend the rest of my life with her and have children with her. However one thing niggles at me. She isn’t affectionate, almost like she’s ashamed of me.  She never initiates a kiss or a cuddle or a hug, the only thing she initiates is sex. Now she has a go at me for not coming out and not telling my family and asks me if I’m ashamed of my sexuality and I’m not, I’m scared of it but I feel that she is ashamed of hers. She always makes fun of me, yet she tells me she loves me but I wish for once she would just kiss me or hold my hand in public. She makes me feel so ugly. I feel like shit inside because of this. I’m so tempted to just go and cut but I won’t as my boss has had a go at me about it so I won’t.  I wish I could though, just to make myself feel better.

~*~ x ~*~