baby blues – audrey nuna

typing with long nails is going to be a nightmare. . .

after work today, i went to the gym with my boyfriend. now, im sitting in my bed eating cookies and drinking cider in my slipknot shirt. i was high energy for a bit, but now im very tired and would rather be in bed.

i met my boyfriend’s gym crush the other day. . . that’s a weird sentence to type out. she’s cute. honestly, i would take her too if she wasn’t 5 years my senior (and 6 years his). i get uncomfortable with large age gaps in dating. think about it this way: when she graduated high school, i was just getting out of middle school. that’s kind of freaky. regardless, she’s nice and cute.

i could immediately tell my boyfriend had a crush on her when they started talking. he talks to her the way he talks in a way that’s different from me–but different from his friends too. when he knows someone well enough, he acts very silly. but when he likes someone he doesn’t know too well, he becomes tense and almost like a “blank slate”. he did the same thing with me before we started dating. now–with me–he’s loosened up a bit. but with her, not yet.

it’s kind of sad to see. despite being poly and having been in poly relationships in the past, it’s different when he want someone to himself, opposed to sharing them with me as well. i can’t help but get jealous about it. i would be fine if we both dated her, but for some reason it feels odd if we don’t. maybe i’m just used to triangle relationships rather than v’s. i don’t think its my thing anyways. . .

it’s hard to admit that.