undone

and I read the words waiting for something
to make sense,
carrying your attention
away from the way you constantly
changed tense
 
and I move my body in half-circles
trying to draw squares –
like four walls
and a roof
where a mother and father lent themselves
to the way their children grew
but instead it was just me
without you
 
and I’d ping against night,
like tuning forks
listening to the sound of silence
wanting to fly and needing something
other than hard cock
and fast fuck
 
but there were no words that could
make sense
of the cowardly way you slithered
I was woman in unbound breasts
with too much emotion
placed on your chest –
 
you never spoke the words
demonstrated
as our bodies moved,
never voiced soul
deeper than the thrust of hip
and how you slipped
from the pedestals hand created,
thinking you god when all you were
was lost little boy

 
and I tried to let patience guide
loving as only I knew how
but you chose
your way alone
over the way we sounded together
 
and I tried, tried, tried so hard to get you to see
but you made me choose
said life wasn’t about equality
 
you weren’t who you said you could be
and I believed in the dips of silence
as they settled inside
the only the place I could breathe
alone
and I grew  without you
 
without the way you could have loved
if you opened blind eyes
without the way you could have felt
if you opened shut doors
without the possibility of passion
if you stepped away from shadows
 
I grew
alone
 
and I watched as if I had a say
knowing how the day would end
and that my arms would remain empty