Suckage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A&ob=av2e

I would like to inform all that this is a pity party of one.

I am at work now, leaving early though.  Too much happened this weekend, I over did it thinking that I was actually my age and not my age feeling like I am 90 or so.  This tiredness is what gets me, I am exhausted, I am emotional and damned if I don’t want to just run away for a little while.  I have spoken my feelings, have been doing this all along but even more so now.  You never know, not that I took life for granted but part of me did.  You really never know.  And if I love and feel I am going to say it, its the only way I know how.

Anyway, my trip or escape the end of this month has obviously been pushed until next month but next month there is a possibility of seeing a friend too.  I love friends, right now I love friends so damn much.  Him, remember him from back then.  His tune has changed over the last few months.  He has been talking constantly…but we will see.  Right now as open as I am, I have kept my hope reserved too. 

Every day I come with this intention to write things of substance but for some reason I admit that my substance meter is lagging.  I go to sleep at night wondering if my blood is too thick, if the clot is going to move or kill me.  I know the medication that I am on takes time to regulate itself but in the meantime I sit here with an embolism in my lung and every time I wheeze I wonder if it is related to that and not the asthma I have had my entire life.  This shit sucks, thats all I have to say.