overwhelming

I feel a little like I am overwhelming him. 

He’s always told me there would be something wrong if I didn’t do what I do.  Its the pictures, the texts, the "blips" all these little things that I do constantly because it is just who I am.  I don’t mean it to be overwhelming or hovering – its the best intentions and honestly I feel like there are times when he needs it.  When he needs to know how I feel without saying the love…

but I do love him.  Absolutely and completely.

I’ve said many times, I am not a needy person but I have always been told to say what you think and think what you say, to be respectful while doing it (if it is negative) but to say it.  That sometimes a person needs to hear it, you never know what kind of day they are having – but it never hurts to hear that someone cares about you.  So I say it, I have no problem saying it.  While I admit, I have shied away from saying "love" but he knows that it is there.  Of that I have no doubt.  And I’m not playing the you say it first game, instead I am just biding my time.  I want to say it to him with him standing in front of me.  Want to see his face…again.

Who am I kidding, I just want to be with him.  To feel his arms around me.  There is a calmness in that very moment, when I’m standing at the door looking at him right before he takes me in his arms and kisses me.  His hands on my face, cupping my cheeks.  Its exactly…right. 

I didn’t start this diary to be about him, but there is so much lately.  So much going through my mind.  So many self-doubts and yet, so much confidence.  I believe in him.  In me.  In us.  I think he does as well,  he says the right things and he means them.  He doesn’t just talk to hear himself talk but the fear that is inside him, the fear to get close to a woman.  Many times I’ve told him that I am not them, I didn’t hurt you and he says it as well, its just a hill he has to climb.  And I believe that he will.  I believe he’ll conquer it.  He tells me all the time that I may not be able to get rid of him, I don’t want to get rid of him.

I love this man, its the moon and the stars.  Wishes and dreams.